Sick of My Pride | Steph Lewis Blog

One thing that has really been convicting me is how I am often worried about what others think of me. I bore people to death explaining all of the great things I’ve done. I’m even sick of hearing myself talk about myself…I can’t imagine what anyone else must thinking.
A couple weekends ago, we went with the Jr. High group to Manresa Beach. I spent much of the day helping kids take to the waves and learn how to boogie board. Afterwards, Mark (our Pastor) came up to me and said that one of the kids was just glowing & grinning from ear-to-ear because I had taught her how to boogie board and put her up on her very first wave.
I wish I had just said, “Awesome!” and left it at that. But noooooooooooo, I have to go on for a couple of minutes about how I pulled out three kids at a time, taking the waves myself so they wouldn’t get hurt, how I told them when to take the wave, how to manuver their boards, how to…blah blah blah.
It was like I saw myself from the outside, talking way too much, filled with pride, hoping that if I explain what I’ve done in detail people will somehow think better of me. It made me sick.
I just finished a study on the book of John. Man, that Jesus was a controversial fellow! Anyway, there is a point where Jesus heals a man by the pool. After he heals the man, the Bible says, “The man who was healed had no idea who it was, for Jesus had slipped away into the crowd that was there” (John 5:13). It hit me hard that this is yet another area where I’m far from being Christ-like.
If it was me who healed that guy, I’d probably be in the temple telling my story loudly, adding embellishments wherever it would make the story more interesting or wherever it would make me look mightier.
Why is it so important what others think of me? Why can’t I just shut my mouth and savor the moments where God allows me to serve? Every time I brag and pridefully speak of myself, it feels like poison in my soul. I need to learn to just shut my mouth. If only it were so easy….

6 thoughts on “Sick of My Pride”

Do you really tell all your stories so people will think better of you Steph? I love hearing your stories, and the energetic way you tell them, and I guess I find it hard to think that you’ve actually done so because of pride. It’s not prideful to talk about stuff you’ve done (heck, it’s usually downright entertaining, coming from you), unless you really are just doing it so people think you’re “cool” or whatever.
Wondering what others think of you is pretty natrual, and it’s also pretty natural to want people to think well of you. If that becomes an all consuming passion, then yes, that’s a bit worrisome, but is it really that far? I just ask because only YOU would really know everything that you think, etc. but it seems rather out of character for the Stephanie I know to be as full of pride as you seem to think you are. Perhaps I was wrong, but… I would guess at worst that I’m being less harsh than I should be, and you’re being more harsh than you should be.
Oh, and as for your stories, you often have told me the same one multiple times. So? That alone is kinda funny, and I still like to hear it. So you have nothing to fear with me.

Here’s something to ponder: Very few people would ever even consider that they have a speck of pride, or see it as a fault if they DID have it. And most people never think about their motives behind telling stories.
I think it is admirable that God has given you the ability to see His hand in who you are. My dad always reminds me that whenever we see ourselves doing something loving for another, or we see ourselves helping someone, we should thank Christ for the fact that His grace and power brought it out in us.
We all are human, and pride is part of us. But by God’s grace, His humility can shine through us too.

There’s nothing wrong with telling stories…it’s when you take a compliment and turn it into further advertisement about how great you are. Or you tell too many stories so that others are just plain sick of you. Or you just talk to much. Or you start to tell so many stories and you watch them get embellished…to the point that you don’t know what is true anymore. I’m not saying that I’m going to quit telling stories (stories RULE!). I just need to know when to close the lips. When to open the ears. When to take a compliment without adding a novel to the end of it.

True dat.

I know exactly what you’re talking about (not that I remember you boring me with your personal stories, but that I find myself doing the same thing). It can be a terrible feeling to look at yourself from the outside and see something ugly like pride.
It’s so nice to see that you share things like this. In fact, it’s a very humble thing to do, admitting a shortcoming.

Josh and I talked a bit recently about the topic of having disgust for yourself. I can honestly say that before I was a Christian I very very rarely felt self disgust. Now, I feel it. Not all the time. But, when it’s there, I am really aware of it. Even small things really point out my sinful nature. In some ways, I count it a blessing. God has opened my eyes to my shortcomings, just a few at a time, as he sharpens and grows me. I’d rather have this than blindness.

Neal on September 9, 2004 at 11:27 am said:

Do you really tell all your stories so people will think better of you Steph? I love hearing your stories, and the energetic way you tell them, and I guess I find it hard to think that you’ve actually done so because of pride. It’s not prideful to talk about stuff you’ve done (heck, it’s usually downright entertaining, coming from you), unless you really are just doing it so people think you’re “cool” or whatever.
Wondering what others think of you is pretty natrual, and it’s also pretty natural to want people to think well of you. If that becomes an all consuming passion, then yes, that’s a bit worrisome, but is it really that far? I just ask because only YOU would really know everything that you think, etc. but it seems rather out of character for the Stephanie I know to be as full of pride as you seem to think you are. Perhaps I was wrong, but… I would guess at worst that I’m being less harsh than I should be, and you’re being more harsh than you should be.
Oh, and as for your stories, you often have told me the same one multiple times. So? That alone is kinda funny, and I still like to hear it. So you have nothing to fear with me.
amy on September 9, 2004 at 12:08 pm said:

Here’s something to ponder: Very few people would ever even consider that they have a speck of pride, or see it as a fault if they DID have it. And most people never think about their motives behind telling stories.
I think it is admirable that God has given you the ability to see His hand in who you are. My dad always reminds me that whenever we see ourselves doing something loving for another, or we see ourselves helping someone, we should thank Christ for the fact that His grace and power brought it out in us.
We all are human, and pride is part of us. But by God’s grace, His humility can shine through us too.
Steph on September 9, 2004 at 1:33 pm said:

There’s nothing wrong with telling stories…it’s when you take a compliment and turn it into further advertisement about how great you are. Or you tell too many stories so that others are just plain sick of you. Or you just talk to much. Or you start to tell so many stories and you watch them get embellished…to the point that you don’t know what is true anymore. I’m not saying that I’m going to quit telling stories (stories RULE!). I just need to know when to close the lips. When to open the ears. When to take a compliment without adding a novel to the end of it.
Neal on September 9, 2004 at 7:12 pm said:

True dat.
Mike on September 10, 2004 at 11:13 am said:

I know exactly what you’re talking about (not that I remember you boring me with your personal stories, but that I find myself doing the same thing). It can be a terrible feeling to look at yourself from the outside and see something ugly like pride.
It’s so nice to see that you share things like this. In fact, it’s a very humble thing to do, admitting a shortcoming.
Steph on September 12, 2004 at 10:03 pm said:

Josh and I talked a bit recently about the topic of having disgust for yourself. I can honestly say that before I was a Christian I very very rarely felt self disgust. Now, I feel it. Not all the time. But, when it’s there, I am really aware of it. Even small things really point out my sinful nature. In some ways, I count it a blessing. God has opened my eyes to my shortcomings, just a few at a time, as he sharpens and grows me. I’d rather have this than blindness.