Well, I figured out one significant key to what keeps mine and Josh’s marriage happy and healthy. Not being too sensitive. Very often, I see couples around me complaining that “he’s not sensitive enough” and wah wah wah. And it’s frustrating, because I see the guy walking on eggshells everytime he’s around his wife. And I think, “HOW can this be healty?” The girl’s always stewing because he’s not good enough and the guy’s always freaked that he’s going to get yelled at. Doesn’t sound like a fun place to be.
I want to feel like home to Josh. That means that he’s allowed to make mistakes or say stupid things or voice what’s on his mind or joke around or whatever… and I’ll take it with a grain of salt. And he does the same for me (thank goodness!).
And the key is, when your spouse says something “stupid” or “insensitive,” know that he (probably) didn’t mean to completely crush you with that comment. Think about what his intentions were, and think about them from a long term view. Very often, things that would otherwise be offensive are suddenly very amusing.
Case in point. On Thursday night I was stressing because I had parents coming to school at night for Back to School Night. I hurried home, quickly put on a suit, was about to rush out the door when Josh exclaimed, “You look like a man in that suit!”
Now, most women would stew about that comment for quite some time. Talk about insensitive! But, I know that Josh did not intend to hurt me, he was just being candid and real. And it made me laugh! I was like, “Gee, thanks!” And walked out the door. When I came home later that night he apologized for being “so insensitive.” And I was like, “Dude, your comment was cracking me up all night. I’m so thankful that you speak openly and candidly like that!”
I guess that part of it coincides with my personal gift of always knowing what not to say in any situation. When other people do that…man…good laughs!
Anyhoo, Josh, thanks for being candid and open and hilarious all at the same time. You make me feel like I can live, and breathe, and be completely real around you. That’s why you are home to me. And that is more priceless than any Mastercard commercial could ever be. Priceless.