No Baby Yet.

09/03/2007

I told Josh the other day that I am so ready to give birth that I’m not afraid of any of the pain involved. In fact, I said, if women had to get hit by semi-trucks on the freeway in order to give birth, I’d be out there right now jumping in front of the huge, fast-moving ones. He apparently thinks I’m crazy. Perhaps I am, but I also think that I’m carrying the world’s largest baby. If not the largest, then definitely the strongest. I already have him signed up for a couple of human truck pulls next month.
I also feel like I am the hugest person alive. A few months ago, people would smile at me in stores like, “Oh, look at the cute pregnant lady.” Now they look at me horrified as though I’m going to fall on the floor and give birth at any moment. Even my biggest shirts need to get pulled down regularly to cover my belly. My mom got me a tank top a long time ago and, upon receiving it, I thought, “I’ll never be that big!” Well, I’m bigger than that. I’m thinking of designing some kind of downward suspenders that pull shirts down instead of keeping pants up. They’d be a big hit with pregnant ladies and plumbers. *sigh*
Tonight, when we were leaving Target, I told Josh to just walk ahead of me and get our stuff loaded in the car because I walk too slow. A with-child couple walking by us must have heard me because I overheard the guy say to his wife, “Sweet! That lady lets her husband walk ahead! You always forced me to stay back and walk slow with you…” Then she slapped him.
I had a dream the other night that I went to the doctor for a check-up and she looked at me and said, “Wow! You’re already 7 centimeters dilated! Haven’t you been feeling any contractions?” And I was like, “No.” And she sent me over to the hospital where I promptly gave birth with zero pain involved. Sweet. I go to the doctor tomorrow so hopefully that will happen. I realize that all women in the world would hate me for having a completely painless childbirth, but that is a hatred I am willing to endure. :-)
On another note, Josh mentioned the other day all of the “safety nets” he was going to set up on our home computer systems to protect our child from all of the evils of the world. To which I said, “You know that will only teach him to be a hacker, right?” He responded, “I know, but hackers make bank!” It made sense in Josh’s mind, so who am I to argue?