If I Do Not Love…

“If I keep my house immaculately clean, and am envied by all for my interior decorating, but do not show love in my family – I’m just another housewife.

“If I’m always producing lovely things – sewing, art; if I always look attractive, and speak intelligently, but am not loving to my family – I am nothing.
“If I’m busy in community affairs, teach Sunday school, and drive in the carpool, but fail to give adequate love to my family – I gain nothing.
“Love changes diapers, cleans up messes, and ties shoes – over and over again.
“Love is kind, though tired and frazzled.
“Love doesn’t envy another wife – one whose children are ‘spaced’ better, or in school so she has time to pursue her own interests.
“Love doesn’t try to impress others with my abilities or knowledge as a mother.
“Love doesn’t scream at the kids.
“Love doesn’t feel cheated because I didn’t get to do what I wanted to do today – sew, read, soak in a hot tub.
“Love doesn’t lose my temper easily.
“Love doesn’t assume that my children are being naughty just because their noise level is irritating.
“Love doesn’t rejoice when other people’s children misbehave and make mine look good. Love is genuinely happy when others are honored by their children.”

This is from A Mother’s Heart: A Look at Values, Vision, and Character for the Christian Mother by Jean Fleming. She paraphrased 1 Corinthians 13 to fit her stage of life as a mother to help her learn, meditate on, and practice love. Her paraphrase encouraged me and reminded me to show, feel, and have love in the small things each day. I thought it might encourage some of my blog readers too, so here you go!

Making Art with Little Kids – Part 2 (the advice)

In response to my rant on Making Art with Little Kids, here is my advice on how to approach art with young children. (You didn’t think I’d go off on a subject so dear to my heart only to leave you hanging, did you?)

The truth is, making art with little kids is an awesome experience. It reflects the joy of our Creator by creating ourselves. It expresses thoughts, ideas, emotions, and documents life. It promotes higher-order thinking and problem solving. It teaches experimentation. It encourages hard work and planning. It helps children to dream, imagine, and play. It builds fine motor skills, lots of them! It helps us understand history. It helps us judge the quality of products. It helps us make our own products. It teaches us constructive criticism. Shall I go on? My point is, making art with young children develops a ton of wonderful skills that everyone, even those not interested in “art”, will use in life.

Hopefully the following thoughts will give you a framework to think about approaching art with young children and also help you on your way with some practical tips.

Process is more important than product.

In math, we would teach children to add single digits before moving on to double digits. It wouldn’t make sense to do it any other way, right? Well, when you are expecting your kids to think about the finished product of a jack-o-lantern neatly glued to a piece of paper you are doing the equivalent of expecting them to add double digits. Your kid is not thinking about the jack-o-lantern or where it will hang or even that it’s Halloween. Your kid is probably thinking something like, “Look at the glue ooze out of this bottle! Wow! It goes faster when I squeeze hard! But now it’s not coming out. Is it clogged? What if I shake it?… hmmmm… what if I hold it this way?”

Think about all of the little things we have mastered that go into making art that are new to a child. How to hold a pencil, how hard to press, how to make it draw straight lines and curves and dashed lines, how to open a glue bottle, how hard to squeeze, how to get the glue flowing, how to control the flow of glue, how to use the right amount of glue depending on what kind of paper is being used…. It’s really quite complex when you think about it.
Give your child the space to actually learn these basics. For most children, it will take them until age 7 to 12 to master these skills so that they can do them without thinking. Then they are more ready and willing and able to focus on the idea or the final product instead of getting tangled up in lack-of-skills. And this will repeat even into adulthood every time a child is presented with new materials. (But be careful, emphasizing the final product for children or adults will often stunt the ability to make a picture in the first place. For example, if you knew you were going to frame something and hang it in your living room, you’d probably be a little more nervous and obsessive than if you were just trying to make something for no stated purpose.)

Here is a concrete example of how Caleb learns the basic skills of cutting and gluing. He has a very messy sketchbook that is his “cutting and gluing” book. He has cut almost every piece of paper into fringes around the edges. There are bits of everything glued to all of the pages. I gave him a bottle of flour + water to practice gluing because I don’t care if he wastes it by squeezing it for hours. I don’t plan on hanging it up or doing anything with it. He will literally stand at his work table and cut and glue for long periods of time. He is working on process, and neither of us has any inclination to display it or use it for any other purpose than experimenting.

Caleb's Collage

Reward experimentation. Encourage it.

I recently was given a set of a new kind of oil/chalk pastels that I hadn’t used before. I sat down with a piece of scrap paper and just messed around with them. What happens if I try to blend colors? Several colors? Mix with other media? Will it do detailed work? How big of an area can I cover with them? Do they layer without blending? Can I scrape into it? What kind of texture options does it offer? You have to ask these questions every time you are presented with a new medium so that you know when, where, and how to use it effectively.

The same idea pertains to children. Especially those that have little or no background knowledge to build on. (Most middle school students I taught had no idea that a simple pencil could give you many different shade values by pressing hard or pressing lightly! Even though they had been using pencils for years!)

I will set out a new material for Caleb and just let him play with it. I may ask questions when it looks like his own thought process is slowing down (don’t interrupt their ideas with ideas of your own, let them exhaust their possibilities first). What happens if we drive cars through the paint? What happens if we put watercolor on top of that? What happens if we… What happens if we… What happens if we…

Here is some experimentation Caleb did with a Crayola marker:

Caleb's Marker Use

Then, reward the experimentation and not the product. “Look! You put bits of yarn in your paint! Isn’t that interesting. Some of the yarn stayed fuzzy and some of the yarn got stiff and hard. I bet you had to be careful to not get too messy. I can see that you were thinking hard!”

Hang that weird bit of experiment art up. Speak to your child and others about the experimentation happening. Caleb recently was looking at some egg shells in the sink and asked if they could be made into art. Good question. We did lots of stuff with them. Some worked, some didn’t. We learned from all of it. It was some seriously weird experiment art, which is the best kind for little kids learning to think and do.

You don’t have to hang it up.

Sometimes we hang up our art for a long time. Or a short time. Sometimes we give it to someone. Actually, I often encourage giving away things we’ve made or creating something with a specific person in mind. Sometimes we go, “Oh! This was a big mess! Let’s put it in the garbage! Yuck!” Sometimes we save it and turn it into another project later. We’ve used large “smear” paintings as gift wrap. We’ve turned some into greeting cards. Sometimes we will tear the papers to practice gluing something else or for collages. When Caleb is bigger we can try weaving scraps from old projects.

Kids will learn that different kinds of end results have different worth. Some are worthy of giving to others, some is worthy of being hung in a purchased frame, some is worthy of going in the trash. You can ask your child where he or she thinks it should go. They get very perceptive at this and it’s important for them to learn that it’s okay for some work to go in a frame and others to be be recycled. Just make sure you are keyed into your child and don’t destroy something he or she values. It’s wonderful to think of all the ways these skills will translate to adulthood and working in the “real world.” The ability to accept criticism, to know that all ideas are not good ideas, to be willing to call something a mess, etc.

It’s okay to do something focusing on technique. But keep it short and developmentally appropriate.

Once you see that your child is getting comfortable with a material or materials, and he or she seems to have exhausted all of the “what if” experimentations, go ahead and teach technique. I will usually say, “You have been coloring so well, let’s see if you can copy what Mama does and learn some of the ways big people and artists use crayons. Can you make a circle that goes round and round and round (draw)? This one is a wheel (draw). This one is a cookie (draw). Hmmm… lets make more round things like….”

You can even offer suggestions as to how the shape could be improved. Pay attention to the child’s tolerance level and stop as soon as it is waning. I have Caleb worked up to the point that we can draw together for up to 45 minutes of engagement. But we started out with maybe 30 seconds of engagement. Start with simple things like drawing a straight line, drawing a tiny line like it’s a little worm, drawing a heavy line like it’s a big fat snake, drawing a zig-zag line, etc. If you can work a story into it or a sense of fun you will probably win extra attention span from your child (see “Have fun.” below). I’ve done this with entire classes of children and it can get exceptionally fun. You can do the same thing with other media. We’ve recently been doing color washes with watercolors and are also starting to turn shapes into things (like circles in to birds and faces).

Now, I am not one of those hippie art teachers who thinks it’s all “freedom man.” I love the freedom of experimentation from Jackson Pollock, but I also adore the grandeur and visual impact of Michelangelo. Rembrandt emotionally strikes me to the core. And Chagall literally makes me fall head over heels (ha ha, art joke)! Picasso had bulls that looked like bulls and bulls that looked “bullish” but were not realistic. My point is that art has a variety of purposes that need to be considered when judging or creating. If Audubon had taken a “free” approach to his work, people at the time wouldn’t have known what all of those beautiful birds looked like. No, his purpose was to document life realistically and methodically so the many types of birds could be catalogued and identified. Thus, he had to have a realistic technique (it is fun to “pretend you are Audubon” with older children and have them make a sketchbook of wildlife observations). But Pollock’s purpose was to show a free expression in flowing paint (it’s not splattered, it’s flowing. Seriously, try it, it is not easy!) Matisse and the Fauves wanted to show strong emotionalism in their work. Michelangelo, who was actually a sculptor, showed his “sculpted reality” by creating ideal forms with paint. Children love to see varying purposes and approaches to art. They will learn that sometimes art is more free and sometimes it is more labored. This is good and will give them a more realistic sense of the world of art.

To help teach these purposes of art, you may enjoy The Art Book For Children (white book) and The Art Book for Children (Book two). We also love A Book About Design: Complicated Doesn’t Make It Good for teaching early design concepts in a simple way.
I would often give assignments in art class where creativity was important. I would say, “I want yours to be different from everyone else’s project and I want it to represent something about who you are and how you think.” Creative. There were other assignments where I would say, “I want yours to look as much like mine as possible.” One of the best ways to learn how to paint or draw is to try to recreate a work of art by the masters. So, yes, technique matters. But for young children it shouldn’t be overly-emphasized, or even stressful. Once they have a stronger sense for how the materials work, their fine motor skills are developmentally ready, and they have an understanding of end-product they will be eager to learn more difficult concepts. But for now, be satisfied with and encourage the experimenting with bits of technique added in when appropriate. Make it clear when it is time to copy you and when it is time to experiment independently. Remember that good technique will come in time, but in early childhood you should emphasize process over product.

Have fun.

Young children love stories and imagination and play. Encourage this and participate in it yourself from time to time. I would do things like prep a watercolor tray for painting by pretending that it is a bathtub for ants and “we need to fill it up with water!” (prepping the paint). Then I’d say that the paintbrush wants to wash its hair in the tub so we should swish it around really good (loading the brush). The we could “sweep the floor” with our broom on the paper (painting). And we want to clean (cover) all of the paper (setting a ground). There are many wonderful play-associations to make in art.

Reduce your stress by being prepared.

I have met many moms who say, “That’s so great that you do so much art with your kids, mine are lucky to get to color because I can’t stand the mess.”

To this I would say, fine. Don’t do anything that stresses out you and your family.
But… Is there a way that it could be possible to create art without the mess (or the stress or the cost or whatever it is that is keeping you from doing it)? Here are some ideas.
If the mess is what’s stopping you, here is what I do. First, I have many sturdy art boards cut out of smooth press board (a few dollars at Home Depot, they’ll cut them for you). Several of them are cut to exactly fit the top of a dresser that Caleb works on. I don’t care if he gets paint on them. It dries, we use them again. I use painter’s tape (which I reuse until it is no longer sticky) to attach paper to the boards so the paper will stay in place. This helps the kids to work on a “non-slidey” surface and also keeps them from dropping a messy paper on the floor.

Art for Caleb 1

If it is nice outside, they work on the boards outside (because who cares if grass gets messy). If it is rainy they work on a tile floor, in my art studio, over a clear plastic shower curtain, or in the bathtub.

Lazy Days 3

Caleb Painting in Art Space 1

Easel by Window

Actually, when Caleb was young, the bathtub was the rockstar painting place. I’d tape up paper, let him paint and smear, then wash him and the walls of the tub. Done. He was going to get a bath anyways, might as well let him paint first.

Art Time 6

More Art Time 16

Secondly, you should have a clean up plan in mind. For me, I just set the art boards aside until the art dries. No cleaning a table or whatever. I then have a small washtub with a washcloth that I put a bit of warm water and soap in and I first wash my kid, then we drop the paintbrushes, etc. in there and I set it in my laundry room until I have time to wash it. Then I just clean and rinse that stuff. If we are outside, I just hose it all off. Caleb wears an apron. Oh, and I often will use cheap paper plates as his paint palette and then throw them away when he’s done.

Have your art supplies ready. Keep them in totes ready to go. I keep ours all easily accessible, but up high (so little hands can’t reach them when I’m not around… hopefully) in various little buckets and tins. Then, when Caleb says, “I want to do play dough.” I say I will give it to him when his apron is on. Once it’s on, I lift down the supplies, set them on an art board and he plays with it. When he’s done, we throw all of the supplies back in the bin and put them back up high. This is much easier than having stuff all over the house or not being sure where things are.

Art Time 13

Another thing I do that works well is having an art/craft idea book open on his work space. I actually keep mine on a cookbook stand or clip it on the wall with giant metal clips. When we don’t know what to do, we turn the pages until we find something we like (we currently have). That, combined with having art supplies on the ready, means I NEVER PLAN IN ADVANCE. (Who has that kind of time?)

If you’re missing a supply that the book calls for, improvise and use something else. Your kid will learn to think of great things. Recently an activity required a carrot. After I told Caleb we didn’t have one, he thought for a moment and said, “I know, let’s just use an orange pipe cleaner.” Yes, my little problem solver, that sounds like a great plan. (I actually think it’s better to teach kids to go with the flow and improvise instead of having a perfect lesson organized. Think of the life skills they are practicing!)

Of course, train your child about how to use art supplies responsibly. If Caleb treats something unwisely, then art time is immediately over. There was one time I didn’t let him touch paint for a month. When we finally got to use it again he was older and wiser and knew the consequences and we haven’t had a paint problem since. He knows how to clean up his own brushes now and how to wash his own hands and put on his own apron…. The more responsibility your child can learn the more likely it is you will give him or her the opportunity to create.

If cost is what is stopping you, it shouldn’t! Magazines or junk mail are awesome for cutting and gluing. You can roll them and tape them to make all kinds of crazy sculptures. Use the backs of other paper, cardboard boxes, pieces of wood, old clothing, or anything you can find to paint and glue on. I got a huge roll of paper at Home Depot that is used for drop cloths for $5 and I haven’t even used half of it. (Interesting… the cost difference between kid’s roll of art paper and drop cloth paper. They are often the same thing. Actually, the drop cloth paper is thicker, so I say be a rock star and get the drop cloth paper!)

As long as they are in this experiment phase, let them use a variety of tools and go inexpensive. Once they develop more skill and interest, buy better quality so that they have a better chance of being successful (ex. painting with a cheap paintbrush and watercolors is torture). Let your kid collect sticks or grass from outside and make interesting things to paint or scrape with. The only think I don’t go totally cheap on is paint. I usually buy it from an educational or art store, and I get the washable tempera (because it if isn’t washable, that stinks). However, I only buy the primary colors. Caleb already knows how to mix all of his colors and I never once explained it to him (the experimentation… it works!).

I said earlier that I used flour + water as glue. Put them it in recycled containers, your kids will love to experiment with different containers (ketchup bottle, eye dropper, baby bottle, etc.) Even paint brushes can be made. I could go on with many more ways to save money, but this is a starting place at least.

Thank you for reading my long (whoa… LONG!) rant. I am a tired mother so it is going unedited. Sorry. Hope it inspires at least one of you to plunge in! Feel free to contact me if you have questions. My current e-mail is stephklewis at gmail dot com (written in a spam-bot-avoiding fashion).

Happy art making!

Making Art with Little Kids – Part 1 (the rant)

Caleb does a lot of art at our house. A lot. And most of it ends up looking like a horribly mangled piece of paper with too much glue and a little bit of everything stuck to it. And I am completely okay with it. Completely.

We have been in many “make art with the toddler/preschooler” situations and I don’t even know why I go. Oh, so he can learn to respectfully participate in a structured class with a teacher and other kids. (Even though we will probably homeschool, but that’s a totally separate discussion). The “make art” part is usually an obsessively structured cookie-cutter kind of lesson. I’ll tell you about the one we did today and my brief thoughts on it. In a later post I will share how I think art should be approached for small children.
The kids were to take a pre-cut jack-o-lantern made of orange tissue paper and glue it to a piece of black paper. Then, they were to make one cut on pre-cut strips of green paper to glue to the top for a stem. Last, they were to write their name on their paper. Done, thanks for coming, goodbye.

Problem is, 3-year-olds are fascinated with the fragility of tissue paper, completely enthralled by all things related to squeezing and oozing glue, and love repeatedly making scissors “chomp-chomp” paper. So, you had a room full of mothers going, “No, just a little bit of glue.” “No, no honey, put your pumpkin in the middle of the paper, the MIDDLE. No! Oh, let mommy do it!” “Cut a stem for the jack-o-lantern and then you’re done, no, we don’t need to cut anymore. I. SAID. NO.” You get the point.

And then there is us. Caleb collects his supplies and listens to the instructions. Good boy. Then he oozes too much glue (but not an insane amount, phew!) on the jack-o-lantern, sticks it with the paper facing the wrong direction (oh my!) in a 3-D sort of way so it’s mouth is open wide. Then he says, “My jack-o-lantern is SO HUNGRY!” More glue is squirted into the mouth, and many meticulously cut little bits of paper are chopped up (using a 2-handed scissor method that little kids often use) and “fed” to the jack-o-lantern.
At this point the teacher sees he is holding the scissors wrong and shows him how to hold them correctly. He listens and tries to do it her way, but truth is, those scissors are “child size,” which means they are for 7-year-olds. His hands are simply too small to use scissors correctly. Not to mention that he doesn’t have the dexterity yet to use them…. I’m getting ahead of myself. Anyway, he tries for a little while, sees that she is no longer watching him, sets the scissors down, and tears his paper instead. He adds more glue in spots around the paper and adds more torn shreds of paper that he declares to be “Leaves covering the jack-o-lantern!”

By the end of the class there were 7 neatly made jack-o-lanterns (all either completely made by or obsessively directed by the mothers) and Caleb’s, um, “creative” one. The teacher eyed me, knowing I was one of “those” mothers. Yup I am!
Isn’t his pretty?

Caleb's Jack-O-Lantern Collage

Here’s the deal. We, adults, are obsessed with products. We want something well-made, neat, and beautiful that we can hang up. At the end of the class, ALL of the other mothers were saying some version of, “Look at this beautiful pumpkin you made! We’re hanging it on the refrigerator!” Because the point of early-childhood art is apparently to make our kids feel as though they made something great and then to display that something. (1) Make kids feel good, (2) Display their art.

One wise little girl said, “But mom, I didn’t make it, you did.”

Another boy literally shouted at his mom, “I’m not done! I want the stem on the side! Right there! NOOOOOOO! I’m not done!”

Most young children don’t care about the product. Say that slowly. THEY DON’T CARE. And they know that you are doing their work for them. And they know that you’re expecting them to literally and metaphorically cut with scissors that are too big for their hands.
The truth is, early childhood is different from school-age children and teenagers. They have little to no foundation to build on when it comes to making and understanding art. Therefore, we need to approach things differently with them than we would ourselves or with older children. This seems obvious to me, but I’ve been in too many situations where it is apparently not obvious. Or people have good intentions, but don’t know how to break art down to the basics. So, to aid in this, my next blog post will share my advice about making art with young children.

Jack’s Hair

Jack's Hair
Josh is trying to get me to give Jack a haircut. I am resisting because Jack’s just a little peanut with wispy baby hair. He does have VERY short hair on the top, and these lovely “wings” on the sides. Some kind of baby mullet? Not sure. Anyway, in my trying to convince Josh that we should leave Jack’s hair until his “real” hair comes in, I told him we could style his hair like this in the mean time. Jack is totally rocking the mullet horns.

Getting Organized

Daily Organization 3
I have found that I am the kind of person who (usually) needs structure when performing my role as homemaker & stay-at-home mom. Sometimes I’m totally fine just rolling through the days. Sometimes I hit walls where I feel like I’m not accomplishing anything, my kids are whiney, and I’m doing my best to just stay in some kind of good mood. I have found that there are a couple of things that help me avoid these negative days. The first is to keep a minimum level of order in my home. If clean clothes are in my closet, clean dishes are in the cupboards, and stuff isn’t scattered around the floor, then I’m generally very chipper.
The second thing that helps me is establishing a routine with my kids. This article from Simple Mom, 20 Tips for Finding Routine with Kids, helped me to fine-tune the things I was already doing. Here are some points made in that article that clicked with me and my thoughts on them:
Think of your job as a job.
Just having this mindset helps me in so many ways. Even if I’m not planning on going out, I daily get up and showered, get dressed, and do my hair and make-up. I think of my husband as a boss/coworker and treat him accordingly (a.k.a. no calling your husband at work to whine and complain about everything). I set goals throughout the day such as having me, the kids, and the dog all fed and ready for the day by 10:00 a.m. along with the kitchen cleaned and laundry started. If I didn’t think of my job as a job, I probably wouldn’t care about things like this.
Clean as you go.
I need three things done regularly in my home that will send me down a depressive spiral if they are not done daily. First, I must have a clean kitchen. So, dishes are done after every meal. Second, I hate tripping on things, so stuff gets put away throughout the day (or in one giant sweep at night). Last, I will become mega-exasperated if it takes me more than 10 minutes to put an outfit together in the morning because laundry isn’t done or it’s sitting clean in a giant pile. So, I (try to) do laundry every day. Clean toilets, vacuumed floors, cobwebs… these things don’t effect my psyche so they can slide a bit here and there when we get busy.
Have a brain dump at least once during the day – transfer everything swimming around in your head on to paper.
I keep a running To-Do list on my computer and I keep lists of projects, dreams, & art in a sketchbook. If I have too many things in my head I start to get paranoid that I’ll forget them, so dumping them onto my lists helps me to prioritize. I want to spend my time on what really matters, not on what is making me stressed at the moment.
The key is to just plan something… Write a set-in-stone schedule, but keep it soft as clay.

  1. Consult Resources: I’m always looking for ideas of things to do with my kids. I’m usually laid back about when to do the activities, but do try to set up lots of things to do in my house so that they are ready to go when inspiration strikes. I use a list I put together of activities to do with toddlers (ThingsToDoList.pdf) that I will look at when I don’t know what to do or need ideas. I look for ideas from blogs, family & friends, the library, and books (the ones I have are listed as resources on the the Things To Do List).
  2. Weekly Plan: I sit down once every couple of weeks and plan out activities using my Weekly Function Plan (WeekFunctionPlan2.pdf). I write it in pencil & change what doesn’t work for us. Sometimes I work many weeks out and only fill in what I know I want to do or what is relevant. I try to use a variety of ideas from the resources I listed above. I try to coordinate it with my calendar (like planning a craft time to make a card for an upcoming cousin’s birthday).
  3. Daily Schedule: Every day I (usually) update my Daily Schedule (DailySchedule.pdf). I keep it inside of a plastic sheet cover and posted in my kitchen (see pic above). I use a white board marker to write on it what I’m doing each day. I will reference my Weekly Function Plan, but don’t always adhere to it. In fact, some days I’ll go through the whole day without doing any of the activities planned on the schedule!

You’ll also notice that I refer to time as “blocks” in my two schedules. What that means is essentially “whatever amount of time exists between x and y.” Such as lunch and naptime. Sometimes that’s two minutes, sometimes that’s two hours. Because I don’t want to force a crying toddler through making a marshmallow snowman, I’ll skip the project and put him down for a nap early. See, I’ve learned that mamahood is often about flexibility and letting things go. But that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t have a plan to avoid the insanity. I know I need one.

Outward Signs of Life Trials (Miscarriage & Infertility)

I find it interesting that the more serious of spiritual and life battles are often fought internally or in such a way that they are not public. I have been specifically considering families that have dealt with miscarriage or infertility. The only outward sign of this life trial is that the couple has no children, but a stranger or someone not in-the-know might just infer that they chose not to have children.
Now, a couple (especially the woman) dealing with this constantly sees around them all of the families who have children. You see the kids running around, the other mothers and fathers speak of their children, etc. But no one knows of my lost babes by looking at me; they will only know if I choose to speak of them. It is so easy to look around and see all of God’s blessings (children) given to other families and then to think inwardly of your own missing children and feel alone in your struggle.
Now, wouldn’t it be interesting if women also bore an outward sign of children they have lost? Or children they couldn’t have?
I recognize that that would possibly cause more problems than it would solve. Like the adulteress forced to wear a capital “A” on her chest, the woman who could not bear living children would most likely struggle with much shame and guilt. On the other hand, it could give much hope, or at least perspective, to other women experiencing similar trials.
After I had my first miscarriage, women came out of the woodwork to share that they too have gone through that trial. I was astounded because had I never known anybody who dealt with it before my own loss. And after my second miscarriage, even more women came out of the woodwork. How would my life have been altered if (1) before I even had children I was aware that child loss happens so frequently and (2) I was able to easily identify other women who lived through this life trial while also enduring my own? Would easily being able to identify women in my own shared-experience-community allow for greater healing, life perspective, or at least understanding of a sovereign God?
I am in no way saying that women should bear any sign of lost children unless by personal choice. I’m not even sure if it’s something I would ever do (unless you consider this blog to be an outward symbol of my losses).
Baby 1 – Lost around June 6th, 2002
Baby 2 – Lost December 9th, 2002
Baby 3 – Lost February 4, 2004
Baby 4 – Lost July 12th, 2006
Baby 5 – Born September 5th, 2007 – Caleb Stephen
Baby 6 – Born December 9th, 2009 – Jack Edward
(It’s fun to have this blog because I can see how my willingness to yield to God’s decisions has changed from Baby 1 to now. From confusion to anger to disbelief to peace to worship and praise. I’ll share that journey at a later time.)
I have been trying to find ways to remember the lives of the four babes I have not known. I hope to someday mark their lives perhaps on my own gravestone (since they never got one of their own). I try to remember them on holidays and I always remember them on the dates that I lost them. I most often think of them when I dream of heaven. I wonder what it will be like to meet four children raised to perfection by God Himself. Blows my mind. Family reunion indeed.

Uncanny Resemblance

Love when I get similar pictures to compare. They definitely are different looking boys, but this picture is the most similar of pictures I have of both boys so it’s easiest to compare here. You can tell they’re brothers though!
Here’s Caleb at 6 days old (September 11, 2007):
Kissy
Here’s Jack at 8 weeks old (February 4, 2010):
Photo Session With Jack 38

iPhone Recording Device

So, Josh’s new iPhone has this recording device on it that’s pretty good. So, here are some recordings we’ve done with Caleb. Caleb is 21-22 months in all of these.
Caleb is playing the piano while I talk to and sing with him. I try to get him to sing too. (actually, this first recording is done with the old iPhone)
Caleb on the Piano – Steph Interviews.m4a
Josh and Caleb were home for the night and were acting silly as usual.
CalGiggles.m4a
Caleb was going on and on about something he saw outside in our back yard, but Josh and I couldn’t understand anything he said. So, we tried to figure it out and learned that he is either an excellent storyteller, or is seeing things.
SomethingOutside.m4a

What Does a Mama Do?

Caleb has loved playing house with his Little People house and car lately. It has a dad, a mom, and a baby. He keeps them very busy. They all use the potty and then take a bath afterwards. The baby goes night-night frequently. And then he loads them all in the car and drives him to our door that leads to the garage. When I ask where they are going he exclaims, “Grandpa! [horse noise]”
Today he was holding the mom doll when I was changing him for bed. I asked him, “What does a mama do?” After his first response, I continued asking him, “What else does a mama do?” Here are his responses, in order:
“Kiss!” (then proceeded to kiss the doll many many times)
“Hug!” (hugged the doll)
“Baby eat.” (give food to the baby)
“Baby drink.” (give a drink to the baby)
“Book.” (read books)
“Kiss hand.” (he had a splinter in his hand recently and I kissed it frequently.)
This is the stuff that warms a mama’s heart.

Caleb Goes to the Emergency Room

Playing in the Yard 95
On Monday, Caleb and are were hanging out eating breakfast. He started showing symptoms of a cold on Sunday afternoon, but nothing past your runny nose and being tired. At night he started coughing. And, by our Monday morning breakfast time, he started showing signs of being worse. He started coughing a “barky” cough while clutching his neck and crying. Then, he started wheezing and I wondered if he had something lodged in his throat. I checked and he didn’t. He kept asking to nurse, but when I would try to nurse him he’d grab his throat and cry and say, “No, no.” So, I’d stop, and he’d ask to nurse again. The wheezing got worse, so I called the doctor.
There were no regular appointments left, so I took him to urgent care. The triage nurse checked his vitals and he had a slight temperature, but his oxygen levels were too low. He was still wheezing and coughing the “barky” cough. The nurse decided to send us to emergency, so we went there. His oxygen levels were checked again and they were still too low.
The doctor came in and ran some tests, then heard his cough and diagnosed Caleb with croup. The wheezing and low oxygen was due to narrowed airways. He was given a steroid, and within a couple of minutes was breathing normally and his oxygen levels returned to normal. They discharged us with some home care instructions.
Since then, he hasn’t shown a scare like that one, although he is still fighting this cold. He seems much better this evening. I think I caught his cold too, but it’s not effecting me as much as it has him. Also, I turn into obsessive hand-washing home-disinfecting lady when stuff like this goes down. So, hopefully Josh won’t get sick.
I also learned fascinating things about how Tylenol Cold is like cocaine for babies, and that I should never give it to my children unless directed by a doctor. The doctor gave me a nice lesson on it’s use (and seemed pretty bitter that it is still being sold over-the-counter). So, at least I had some mommy-building knowledge going on while in the ER. Pondering the profit-making of over-the-counter drugs helped me to stay strong so I could better support Caleb while there (instead of turning into a crazy, worried, emotional basketcase of a woman).