If I Do Not Love…

“If I keep my house immaculately clean, and am envied by all for my interior decorating, but do not show love in my family – I’m just another housewife.

“If I’m always producing lovely things – sewing, art; if I always look attractive, and speak intelligently, but am not loving to my family – I am nothing.
“If I’m busy in community affairs, teach Sunday school, and drive in the carpool, but fail to give adequate love to my family – I gain nothing.
“Love changes diapers, cleans up messes, and ties shoes – over and over again.
“Love is kind, though tired and frazzled.
“Love doesn’t envy another wife – one whose children are ‘spaced’ better, or in school so she has time to pursue her own interests.
“Love doesn’t try to impress others with my abilities or knowledge as a mother.
“Love doesn’t scream at the kids.
“Love doesn’t feel cheated because I didn’t get to do what I wanted to do today – sew, read, soak in a hot tub.
“Love doesn’t lose my temper easily.
“Love doesn’t assume that my children are being naughty just because their noise level is irritating.
“Love doesn’t rejoice when other people’s children misbehave and make mine look good. Love is genuinely happy when others are honored by their children.”

This is from A Mother’s Heart: A Look at Values, Vision, and Character for the Christian Mother by Jean Fleming. She paraphrased 1 Corinthians 13 to fit her stage of life as a mother to help her learn, meditate on, and practice love. Her paraphrase encouraged me and reminded me to show, feel, and have love in the small things each day. I thought it might encourage some of my blog readers too, so here you go!

Recommitment to Bible Verse Memorization

I used to study the Fighter Verses and commit them to memory by writing little melodies to go with them, writing about them, and doing other memory tricks. I was fairly consistent when I used to maintain the fighterverse.com site (which I handed over to some fellow BBC members). But, then we hit a stretch where we were learning a long Psalm and I missed the first part of it and then kind of fell off the horse.
I was recently convicted by a few things to get back on that horse.
First, in my private devotions, I was convicted pretty deeply by a couple of verses. The first is 2 Timothy 3:16-17, “All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, that the man of God may be competent, equipped for every good work” (ESV).
The second verse was 1 Peter 3:13, “…but in your hearts honor Christ the Lord as holy, always being prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you…” (ESV). These are verses that I had read before, but they convicted me this time around that I needed to take scripture memorization more seriously so that I could recall it or at least easily locate it in my Bible.
Second, an article I read interviewed John Piper about a variety of things, including how and why he memorizes scripture. He said, “I’m not into mechanical memorizing. I’m into fighting the fight of faith. I want to memorize Scripture so that I can defeat the devil at 3 o’clock in the afternoon – that’s why I memorize! It’s so that I can minister to a saint in the hospital at 10 o’clock at night if I’ve forgotten my Bible. This is for my soul, and for the souls of others around me.”
How many times have I been in a situation and my response is, “Um… er… I think the Bible says something about that. Somewhere towards the back.” Lame, I know. I want it in my head, word for word, so that I do not take or add anything to it.
Last, I recently finished reading Shepherding a Child’s Heart and Don’t Make Me Count to Three, both books urge the reader to use scripture to teach children. I was also listening to a talk by Sally Michael titled Resources For Family Ministry (scroll to title from given link) in which she quotes the book Instructing a Child’s Heart by Tedd and Margy Tripp: “We give our children big truths they will grow into, rather than light explanations they will grow out of.” I was both convicted and encouraged to memorize scripture and theological truths so that I could use them to teach my children (and myself, and others as God would have me) big truths they (and we) will grow into.
Just recently Caleb tried to squish a frog and my response was not, “Be nice” but, “God made that frog. We need to care for God’s animals by being gentle.” It’s a bigger truth that I hope will hold more weight in the future.
So, I’m going to jump back on the horse and make sure that I am committed to memorizing scripture for the long haul. I’m hoping to be able to do the weekly Fighter Verse along with my church (and small group), and also to work on a few other verses during the week that relate to my devotional reading. I am praying that God will be gracious to me and help me get started with an open heart to Him and his Word. “Open my eyes, that I may behold wondrous things out of your law” (Psalm 119:18 ESV).
Here are some of the verses I memorized in the past by writing a melody to go with them. The recordings are just me sitting at my kitchen table singing into my USB microphone. (I know, wouldn’t it be so much better if I actually broke out my guitar or piano and polished them up? …but alas, that would stress me out too much and then I’d never even record them in the first place. Start small, I say. That, and my only real purpose in writing them is to get them to stay in my head!)

2009 Bible Reading Plan

Each year, I try to assess how I am doing with reading the Bible in a consistent way. I have followed several different plans in years past. Some years I have focused more on a form of study instead. Other years I have just thrown up my hands and said, “That’s it! I need to read Psalms!” (Or whatever book it happened to be that day, week, or month).
I decided, however, that I needed a plan this year. Mostly because my brain is just a bit unfocused lately. I was directed toward some studies at Discipleship Journal. Zondervan also has some interesting plans that I’ve done before (sorry, there is a girl version and a boy version and I’m linking to the girl version because I used to work with a girls youth ministry and… yeah.) I’m sure you could find many more plans with a simple search of the interwebs.
This year, however, I am going to read along with my church‘s bible reading plan. It’s called the Discipleship Journal One Year Plan. You basically download the bookmarks and place them in your Bible, then read one section from each bookmark each day. If you don’t like the bookmarks, you can just download the monthly checklists to direct your reading.
I hope I can find some others to connect with who are also reading this plan so there can be some encouragement and discussion and whatnot. Oh, and while I’m at it, I’d like to encourage my readers to find a reading plan and get in the Word!

Fiction for Geek Children

Or should I say, “Literature for the children of geeks?”
Recently, I was looking over Caleb’s Wish List with Josh and asked him his opinions on books or other Christmas gifts that would be good for Caleb at this point in his life. He couldn’t really think of anything so I asked, “Well, what are the children of geeks reading these days?”
Initially, nothing came to mind. Then, he said his buddy gosnat had suggested the book Ping, ping.jpga book about a duck crossing a river. And it’s geeky because it’s about pinging.
That being said, we laughed heartily at one of the customer reviews of the book left by John E. Francisco. This was our favorite part (which explains the book and is also hilarious):

Using deft allegory, the authors have provided an insightful and intuitive explanation of one of Unix’s most venerable networking utilities. Even more stunning is that they were clearly working with a very early beta of the program, as their book first appeared in 1933, years (decades!) before the operating system and network infrastructure were finalized.
The book describes networking in terms even a child could understand, choosing to anthropomorphize the underlying packet structure. The ping packet is described as a duck, who, with other packets (more ducks), spends a certain period of time on the host machine (the wise-eyed boat). At the same time each day (I suspect this is scheduled under cron), the little packets (ducks) exit the host (boat) by way of a bridge (a bridge). From the bridge, the packets travel onto the internet (here embodied by the Yangtze River).
The title character — er, packet, is called Ping. Ping meanders around the river before being received by another host (another boat). He spends a brief time on the other boat, but eventually returns to his original host machine (the wise-eyed boat) somewhat the worse for wear.
If you need a good, high-level overview of the ping utility, this is the book. I can’t recommend it for most managers, as the technical aspects may be too overwhelming and the basic concepts too daunting.

Moving on, we felt sad that the great, vast, and powerful geek community had no children’s books that we could think of besides this one (which, by the way, was published in 1933. Seriously. If that’s not total hardcore old school 1337, I don’t know what is).
I continued by googling “books for geek children,” and the search engine immediately asked me, “Did you mean: books for greek children”? We also found this to be hilarious. And sad. It was both hilarious and sad.
We did find a few notable things. The first being the Geek Parenting site, which listed 10 Superhero Comic Books your Kids should be Reading. Most of these were Marvel comics (Fantastic Four, Hulk, Spider Man, etc.). Some could say that comic books are more on the “nerd” side of the line than the “geek” side, and I know there are lots of people who straddle the line quite gracefully, but I’m not here to hold the nerd vs. geek debate. (Note the funny conversation between daughter & father on the Geek Parenting site — Daughter: “Daddy, what’s a multiverse?” Dad: “It’s a plot device for lazy writers.” LOLZ.)
Back to my conversation with Josh. We recognized that many geeks are totally into comic books and that they are a fantastic genre. But, in this case we were instead looking for books that taught about geek topics of interest like net neutrality, digital privacy, digital rights management, intellectual property rights in the digital age, topics considered by the Electronic Frontier Foundation… you get the idea.
(Sidenote: We then stumbled upon a link to the still-funny Children’s Books that Didn’t Make It. We came up with a few of our own and enjoyed the general hilarity of it all. But that is a huge digression from the topic at hand.)
In the end, our search was mostly fruitless and disappointing. With so many great and interesting topics swirling around the geek community these days, there has got to be something that our children could enjoy right along with us. The wheels are turning. I’m not promising anything, but the wheels are turning. So far there is a boy and a bird….

Strong Vs. Safe Christian Kids

I’ve been reading the book Grace Based Parenting by Tim Kimmel. So far it’s been a decent read, but I was really struck with the section that describes how many Christian families want to raise “safe” Christian kids. This is done by essentially raising them in a bubble — Christian schools, Christian friends, protection from the evils of the world, and so on.
Kimmel tells the story of a Christian college that sent some students on a missions trip. One student was injured on the trip; her mother sued the school. And won. While I don’t know the specifics of this event, it really struck me as being an interesting and disturbing shift in Christian thought. And it also left me aching at the shallowness of some peoples’ faith (including my own). And it challenged me to consider risking everything in order to share God’s love with others, to live a life that rests and relies completely on Him, and to treasure following God above my own safety.
Kimmel’s own daughter was planning on going on a missions trip in Haiti with a group from her Christian college. At the time, Haiti was placed on the U.S. State Department’s travelers alert. A parent called the college and said they should cancel the trip because it was unsafe. The school responded that many places where missions were most needed were on the travelers alert list. The parent asked if the university was prepared to guarantee the safety of their daughter. And threatened a lawsuit if anything did happen to her daughter. The school was backed into a financial and legal corner and ended up canceling the trip. (Why the mom didn’t just pull her own kid from the trip I don’t know…)
How did Kimmel’s daughter respond? She went to Haiti on her own, brought the supplies the school had gathered with her, and returned the following summer to continue work.
I hope that I can raise my children to be strong and reliant on Christ. Though I would be so grieved if anything happened to my children on the mission field, my joy would be overwhelming to know that their hope rested in God.

Harry Potter

I finally started reading the Harry Potter books. I know, horribly late, how could I wait so long?, out of the loop, blah, blah, blah. The truth of the matter was that, when the books were all in fad, I was too busy reading other stuff regarding art, art history, teaching, cultural studies, technology and other mumbo jumbo to finish my California credential, National Board certification, then master’s degree. After that came the “O crap, do I really know how to be a parent?” books. The only fiction that filtered through all of those years was the Ender and Bean series by Orson Scott Card, a bunch of David Sedaris, and some random books that I started reading by chance and simply couldn’t put down.
I admit, I’ve seen all the Harry Potter movies that have come out. So, I’m doing things backwards by doing movies first and books second. I’m okay with that.
In retrospect, I’m actually glad that I waited for two reasons. First, I like being different from the culture and that means sometimes I purposefully avoid things that are “cool” just because they are so. Do your own psychological analysis on why I’m like that, but I’ve always been a tad rebellious and I figure this is a healthier way to rebel than other potential ways. Second, because now I can just plow through all the books without having to wait with baited breath for the next book to come out. They are all out and I can read them as quickly or leisurely as I want. I think this is why I don’t watch television anymore. I wait for the complete series of a show to come out (or a complete season, or at least individual shows), then I watch it at my own pace on Hulu or through Netflix. I guess this is just how I roll these days. I like to be in control of my viewing/reading pace rather than be at the whim of what the industry thinks is the most profitable and possible way to feed their media to the public. I digress…
So, the first book, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone, was quite good. I quick little read. I loved all of the little details in it that the movie did not have. I am almost done with the second book, Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets.
Funny thing is that I told Josh I wanted to read the book, then watch the movie, then read the next book, and watch that movie, and so on. Well, we started watching the Sorcerer’s Stone movie yesterday, but I was reading The Chamber of Secrets. I’d watch part of Sorcerer’s Stone, then Caleb would wake up and I’d read Chamber of Secrets while I nursed him back down. Then I’d go downstairs to watch some more Sorcerer’s Stone, only to have Caleb wake up again, so I’d read some more Chamber of Secrets while getting him back to sleep, then back downstairs to watch the Sorcerer’s Stone. My brain had to work really hard not to confuse the plots.
And seriously, I must say that the Harry Potter series is perfectly cast. Especially Alan Rickman as Professor Severus Snape. Seriously. That dude’s awesome.
All of this being said, I’m enjoying the books. Hopefully I’ll be able to get my hands on books 3 & 4 to read at the stuga this weekend.

Holiness

I have been praying for God to reteach me about things that I learned when I was younger, in an effort to have a more mature grasp of what they mean. One thing I wanted to learn more about was holiness and this is what I learned in my studies.
God simply IS holy. I was struck by my Old Testament reading in Exodus, particularly Exodus 33. One of the things the LORD says to Moses is, “Go up to the land flowing with milk and honey. But I will not go with you, because you are a stiff-necked people and I might destroy you on the way.” And in verse 5 the LORD says to Moses, “Tell the Israelites, ‘You are a stiff-necked people. If I were to go with you even for a moment, I might destroy you. Now take off your ornaments and I will decide what to do with you.’” (italics mine).
Whenever I read this, I’m like, “HE MIGHT DESTROY THEM!?!?!” Well, yes, because He is that holy. His holiness is so pure and perfect that He cannot even be in the presence of evil or He will destroy the unholy vessel. God chooses to withhold himself from the Israelites here because He knows how powerful His holiness is, which also sets in further motion the gospel redemption story through Christ (God wants to be with us, we are unholy & would be destroyed by God because of his holiness & justice, He sends Christ to live a sinless life and to be sacrificed as a lamb to pay for our sins, we are purchased by God through the blood of Christ, God chooses those to bring to Himself so we can return to our original purpose of glorifying and worshipping Him…something like that).
God’s holiness is jealous. In Joshua 24:19, Joshua says to the people, “You are not able to serve the LORD. He is a holy God; he is a jealous God. He will not forgive your rebellion and your sins.” This struck me because I recognized that God originally made us for the purpose of glorifying and worshipping Him, in a pure and holy state. When we allow sin, no matter how seemingly small, it is like bringing a mistress or idol in between us and God. He longs to be with us, and is jealous of anything that turns our thoughts and heart away from Him. His holiness wants us fully, completely.
What does this mean for me? First, it gives me a stronger understanding of how my sin defiles my relationship with God. This then gives me a deeper longing to have no sin – to be with my God purely and wholly. Because I am unable to live a sin free life, it makes me cling to Christ even more, knowing that I cannot be good enough to free myself from the things I do even though I hate them. It pushes me to touch the robe of the one who bought me and redeemed me.
In the book I’m reading, The True Woman, there is a quote by Elizabeth Prentiss, “To love Christ more – this is the deepest need, the constant cry of my soul. Down in the bowling-alley, and out in the woods, and on my bed, and out driving, when I am happy and busy, and when I am sad and idle, the whisper keeps going up for more love, more love, more love.”
This prayer and thought of Prentiss is shared by me; that my life could somehow reflect more love to Christ, more love to Christ, more love to Christ.

The City With Foundations

When I lived in Cupertino, before baby, and was teaching art and finishing my master’s degree, I found myself frustrated by the mundane day-to-day things. One of my biggest peeves was unlocking my front door. It was more complicated than it needed to be. I’d usually get home late at night, and the yard light may or may not have been on. After exiting the car, I’d stick my overly-heavy backpack on my back, then head to the trunk to bring in other things. This could include piles of papers or portfolios of artwork to grade, my toolbox of art supplies, my large portfolio of personal drawings, binders of curriculum, video & photo equipment, piles of library books, groceries, and other such things. I hated taking two trips, so I’d just pack it all on myself like I was some kind of pack horse or alpaca.
Then I’d get to the door, possibly in the dark because of no yard light on, and set some of the things down so I could use my finger to pry open the screen door, usually doing some kind of bendy-twisty dance because of the awkward shape of our entry – a wall on one side and a pointy shrub on the other. I’d use my foot to kick open the door, then dig through all of my pockets to find my keys (I never remembered which one I put them in). Finally, I’d stick the keys in the lock, then put pressure on the door at just the right angle to get my key to turn. The door would fly back and I’d have to grab my mass of things, now mostly dropped in piles around the sidewalk. My home entry would end with grabbing my stuff and tossing it just inside the door while repeatedly getting slammed on by the screen door and trying to keep the cat from escaping.
I hated getting through that front door so much that I once said to Josh, “I wish I could stand at that front door and just unlock it for three months straight and then never have to unlock it again.” While I’m sure he probably thought I was weird, I considered how cool it would be if you could sort of stock up on mundane tasks to get you through. What if the length of your shower was related to the length of time you stayed clean? What if you could wash dishes for a length of time only to have them stay clean for a proportionate amount of time afterwards? The truth is that, no matter how long your shower is, one step in the mud and you’re dirty again. And, no matter how long you wash a dish, one spoonful of baked beans dirties it again. And, no matter how long you spend unlocking your front door, you’re just going to have to do it again the next time you come home.
Why do I write about this? Because I made a great realization recently. This life is where I am stocking up on mundane tasks. I’m doing lots of hard things now – boring things, tedious things, annoying things. I was reading Hebrews 11 and was struck by verse 10. Here it is in context:

 8By faith Abraham, when called to go to a place he would later receive as his inheritance, obeyed and went, even though he did not know where he was going. 9By faith he made his home in the promised land like a stranger in a foreign country; he lived in tents, as did Isaac and Jacob, who were heirs with him of the same promise. 10For he was looking forward to the city with foundations, whose architect and builder is God.

Abraham was looking forward to the city with foundations, whose architect and builder is God. Everything I do now, whether mundane or otherwise, are temporary to my life on this earth; I am living in tents. But I, like Abraham, look forward to the city with foundations. That thought puts everything in perspective to me. Everything I experience here is a blip on the screen compared to an eternity spent worshipping my God.

Babywise & Attachment Parenting

A friend of mine and several of my old coworkers swear by the book Babywise. It basically teaches parents how to put their babies on a schedule so that baby will fit into the parents’ lives better. When Caleb was born, I took on more of an attachment parenting method and loved The Baby Book by Dr. Sears.
So, I read Babywise over the last week to see what it was all about. No offense to any of my friends who are using this method, but I think Josh got tired of me shouting out while reading it. I got frustrated at how the book portrayed attachment parenting, as though I’m some kind of overworked, exhausted mother sacrificing everything to cater to every little whim of my child. Oh, and of course my child will be uber-spoiled and obese because I do on-cue feeding. And I should never nurse my baby to sleep because I am giving him a crutch. And so on, sarcasm intended.
I think the book had a few good things to say, but overall I found the scheduling method to be a bunch of hooey. I don’t think it’s possible to mess a kid up by building a strong parent-child trust and attachment.
One nice thing about reading the Babywise book is that it helped me to feel more confident about the choices Josh and I have decided to make (a.k.a. not following the Babywise book!). That, and Caleb is a very happy, observant little guy. I think the choices we are making are overall working very well for us and that makes me happy.

Borrowing Adult Books

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I get a lot of books from the library in Cupertino to read. But I always chuckle when I go to return my books. The book depository has a line up of slots to drop your books in. Here is a picture of it:
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From left to right, the slots say:
Book Donations
Children’s Books
Children’s Books
Media
Adult Books
Adult Books
Yes, that’s right. It says Adult Books. Here’s a close-up:
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The first time I returned a book to this library, a book on African art, I went to the book drops and walked back and forth trying to figure out which slot it went in. It wasn’t a donation, not a children’s book, not media, and certainly not an adult book. ADULT BOOK? Does the library have books that only people age eighteen and up can check out? Since when did the library start carrying adult books? And why hadn’t I seen them there? Were they behind a curtain I didn’t notice before? Or perhaps they were in one of the back rooms and you needed to know a secret knock to get them. Do they check IDs?
Knowing that the library didn’t actually have adult books, Josh and I discussed what a more appropriate term would be to put on the book drop, but couldn’t come up with anything good. The only thing we really thought is that the library people wanted a “not a children’s book, donation, or media” slot. But, that’s too long and too confusing to write on a little door-thing. Could they call it other? Or perhaps non-children? Way more confusing. Oh well.
I still snicker like a teenager every time I go there…