Who Am I?
You know, it’s so weird to come back to Minnesota. I was trying to explain this to my dad and it all seemed so strange. When people ask me what I want my life to be like…I never know what to say. I mean, I want to glorify God. If I get pushed to be more specific, I might say that I want to glorify God with the gifts and talents He has given me (teaching, art, etc.).
This is odd coming from a girl who used to have her whole life planned. If you asked me in high school what I wanted my life to look like… I knew what I wanted to be, where I wanted to go to college, where I wanted to go to school…all that. And now, it’s all out the window. I just am kind of open to whatever adventure comes up.
My dad asked me what it was like being back in Minnesota and I said that when I looked at myself I kind of saw two people. One person is the Californian Stephanie who is learning to surf, knows where practically every Starbucks in a 10 mile radius is located (which is actually currently a total of 59), loves the city life, works way hard, & is busy and bustling. She has lots of 1/2 done paintings and ideas, but gets frustrated at the lack of time or energy to make them. She is very world-oriented and wants to travel a lot and learn different languages.
The other me I see is the chilled out Minnesotan Stephanie who rides horses and has nothing planned for several weekends at a time. She reads and paints a lot and loves animals. She is very neighborhood-family oriented.
And they’re so different. The things I really see in common between both Stephanie’s is: Josh, Henson, Art, God. Everything else kind of comes and goes.
I don’t know which Stephanie I’ll be this time next year. Maybe a third personality will be added. I’m just kind of getting through this adventure of life, trying to avoid bumps and bruises whenever possible. I wish there was some way to be one Stephanie again. Or will I never be? Maybe I’ll just keep adding more and more sides to myself as time goes on. What is the right way to go? Is this God teaching me to be all things to all men? Or do I just have a multi-personality disorder?
1 Corinthians 9
21To those not having the law I became like one not having the law (though I am not free from God’s law but am under Christ’s law), so as to win those not having the law. 22To the weak I became weak, to win the weak. I have become all things to all men so that by all possible means I might save some. 23I do all this for the sake of the gospel, that I may share in its blessings.