Heart Beat Monday, None Today


Well, I haven’t told many of you that I’ve been pregnant for nine weeks now. I was waiting to tell people until I was further along so that I knew the baby was healthy (especially considering my last two miscarriages). Well, I started bleeding on Sunday. I went to the doctor on Monday and the baby was fine with a good strong heartbeat. I continued bleeding though and went back to see the doctor this morning. There is no heartbeat. So, I’m losing my third child as we speak.
I guess I’m not really sure how I feel right now. Part of me wants to just get over the whole thing and move on, but I know that’s not the healthy thing to do. I need to slow down and grieve this child so that I have a strong foothold to move forward on. I have to be honest though that I am scared out of my mind to try again. I guess I’m a little gun shy. It’s so painful to lose kids and it’s hard to keep stepping forward and taking the pain. With God’s strength I will try again someday. Just not now.
As I tell Josh, I think that the Lewis kids are so cool and so fun that God just can’t wait to hang out with them. They’re all having a big party with God in heaven right now…and I’ll just have to wait to meet them until I get there someday.
I really need God’s strength to get through this. Thank you to everyone who has been praying for us.