Things That Change


It’s amazing the things that change over the course of a week. My books on pregnancy and motherhood have been packed away and replaced with books on miscarriage. The pants that were fitting tight around my waist a few days ago are today hanging on my hips. The maternity clothes that I took out and was washing so they’d be ready for me have been boxed up. My blogs have changed from funny or thoughtful things to words of a grieving woman.
My students have had their presentations pushed ahead to next week and are currently working on “filler” assignments until I get back.
My mother called and said that she had sent me a package several days ago, but that when I got it I shouldn’t open it. It had some beautiful maternity shirts inside.
My previously empty counters are now filled with bright bouquets of flowers.
The bubbly high-energy Steph gets replaced with the careful somewhat-reluctant Steph (at least for a little while). The couch that was neat is now covered with blankets and pillows and indents of my curled-up body. The nights that I was sleeping through have been replaced with constant trips to the bathroom as I watch the remains of my child come out.
Conversations with others are filled with awkward pauses. People don’t know what to say to you. So…yeah…the awkwardness.
Things That Don’t Change: