Being There
I have this problem that I never “feel” like doing anything. It’s like, “Hey, Steph, wanna come to the super coolest party ever???” And I’m like, “Ummmm…” (*attempts to think of lame excuse*). But, then I stay home and do nothing of great significance. Even if I get my whole house clean or accomplish some great feat…who cares? Does that really matter to anyone else? Does it really matter to me?
Josh has been talking about the importance of relationships in life. He says that, when we die and go to heaven, the only thing we have left of this world are the relationships we have built with others. It’s the only thing that makes us truly unique. Even Sara Groves agrees in her song Just One More Thing:
There’s always just one more thing
There’s always another task
There’s always I just have one more small favor to ask
And everything is urgent and everything is now
I wonder what would really happen if I stopped somehow
I’ll be there in a minute
Just a few places to go
You wake up a few years later and your kids are grown
And everything is important
But everything is not
At the end of your life your relationships are all you’re got
And love to me is when you put down that one more thing and say
I’ve got something better to do
And love to me is when you walk out on that one more thing and say
Nothing will come between me and you
Not even one more thing
There will never be an end to
The request upon your time
It’s your place to stand up and tell the world
You’ve got to rest awhile
And everything is important
But everything is not
At the end of your life your relationships are all you’ve got
And love to me is when you put down that one more thing and say
I’ve got something better to do
And love to me is when you walk out on that one more thing and say
Nothing will come between me and you
Not even one more thing
Then I stand back and realize that God just needs me to be there sometimes. Like, yesterday was the the Jr. High group kickoff for the summer. I just needed to be there. Even if I didn’t “feel like it” or “feel prepared” or have my house in order or feel well-rested or whatever crap-excuse I make up at times like that to avoid social interaction.
When I was in jr. high/high school I was so freaking busy all the time. Seriously, ask my parents. I was always in some play, showing some animal, on some committee, going out with some friends…whatever. I was a total social butterfly and was always busy doing things. Most evenings my dinner was a plate in the fridge covered in saran wrap with my portion of the evening’s meal on it. The calendar was covered.
But, once I went to college, I think I just wanted desperately out of that kind of schedule. But, I was still busy every moment with some kind of school work or work or social engagement.
Now, I feel like I actually have more of a choice. But, I fear that the pendulum has swung too far to the other side to the point that I want to spend so much time alone that it’s probably not healthy.
Every Tuesday night for my small group I’d freak before hand and not want to go, and be all upset that I couldn’t spend the night “doing what I wanted to do.” But, then I’d go to small group and I’d get so much love from the girls and would have the best time! Every Tuesday night I came home energized and feeling great! So, why is it that the next week I get crabby and don’t want to go again?
I want to be better at loving and encouraging others. I want to be a better friend. I want to be a better relationship-person. And I’m going to start by just being there. By just showing up to things regardless of my feelings and just be present in the room. By just asking a question, listening to an answer, and making a connection.