Sick of My Pride
One thing that has really been convicting me is how I am often worried about what others think of me. I bore people to death explaining all of the great things I’ve done. I’m even sick of hearing myself talk about myself…I can’t imagine what anyone else must thinking.
A couple weekends ago, we went with the Jr. High group to Manresa Beach. I spent much of the day helping kids take to the waves and learn how to boogie board. Afterwards, Mark (our Pastor) came up to me and said that one of the kids was just glowing & grinning from ear-to-ear because I had taught her how to boogie board and put her up on her very first wave.
I wish I had just said, “Awesome!” and left it at that. But noooooooooooo, I have to go on for a couple of minutes about how I pulled out three kids at a time, taking the waves myself so they wouldn’t get hurt, how I told them when to take the wave, how to manuver their boards, how to…blah blah blah.
It was like I saw myself from the outside, talking way too much, filled with pride, hoping that if I explain what I’ve done in detail people will somehow think better of me. It made me sick.
I just finished a study on the book of John. Man, that Jesus was a controversial fellow! Anyway, there is a point where Jesus heals a man by the pool. After he heals the man, the Bible says, “The man who was healed had no idea who it was, for Jesus had slipped away into the crowd that was there” (John 5:13). It hit me hard that this is yet another area where I’m far from being Christ-like.
If it was me who healed that guy, I’d probably be in the temple telling my story loudly, adding embellishments wherever it would make the story more interesting or wherever it would make me look mightier.
Why is it so important what others think of me? Why can’t I just shut my mouth and savor the moments where God allows me to serve? Every time I brag and pridefully speak of myself, it feels like poison in my soul. I need to learn to just shut my mouth. If only it were so easy….