Feelin’ Low


I don’t know what it is…maybe it’s just living day to day and the monotony of it all…but I just get down sometimes. Today I’ve just been emotionally on edge. There’s no reason I can think of for it. I have a happy life, happy home, good job, great husband, wonderful family, super pets, and lots of opportunity. Just this cloud…this feeling of doom and sadness. I can’t explain it. It just comes sometimes.
I think it might relate back to when I was playing The Sims obsessively. I’d watch the little computer people interact and walk around. They’d complain when they were hungry, cry when they needed more social activity, shout when they needed entertainment…. It’s a great game, my favorite of all time. But it started to make my life seem really pointless. I’d go to Josh and say, “My social is low, will you spend time with me?” Or, “My room is going down, can we pick up???” And when he would respond with something that would heighten those scales, I’d look at him and say, “Plus! Plus!” (The Sims get little plus signs next to them when their scales go up). But, eventually, it seemed that my life wasn’t any more important than that of The Sims. So, I quit playing (until the Unleashed expansion pack came out…but that’s a whole different story….)
I’m not trying to bring anyone down. For those of you who know me, I’m usually a very peppy, talkative person in a really good mood. The world’s weight just presses on you sometimes. I’m sure you all know what I mean. That, and I got a crappy parking space today. I can already see myself in the morning, taking the great hike to my car. On a brighter note, I did find a decent tasting chocolate bar that only contains 2 grams of net carbs. That’s worth something, right? The world’s not all doom and gloom. Not when those babies are around.
Oh, and I had my second cello lesson yesterday. My arms hurt and my fingers are getting deformed. It’s really a complicated instrument. My instructor is very picky (which is a good thing) and is always telling me, “Don’t bend those fingers, keep your elbow down, posture, don’t force the bow, use the natural weight from your relaxed shoulder….” He might as well be telling me to pat my head, rub my tummy, sing the Star Spangled Banner, write my complete family tree, give myself a pedicure, and chew gum…all at the same time. It’s really complex. I start getting one thing right…then another thing goes bad. It’s a lot of fun though. It’s neat to see myself struggle through these things. It will give me a good perspective for when I start teaching again. Sometimes these things that look so simple, or that seem so simple to people who are really good…they really are complex artforms. What a priviledge to try, though.
Here’s to Friday…and a nice weekend of writing code with Josh. Good times.