Here are some new pregnant pictures of me for June.
I’m around 26/27 weeks pregnant.
The first few are at a friend’s wedding (June 9th) and the last ones are at our first baby shower thrown by my coworkers (and friends) at Hyde (June 16th).
Enjoy!
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I would say that this has been an exceptionally difficult year. For my blog readers, you are probably already aware of all the stress put on Josh and me from finishing up my master’s degree. But this year has also brought new life. Josh and I are preparing for our first child to be born in September. Several of our friends and family members have announced that they are pregnant as well. We are so joyous for this new life.
But this year has also had the death of three people close to the school at which I work. The first was a student of mine, Hugo. He died on January 27th suddenly from an epileptic seizure. His mother moved the two of them here from El Salvador early last year. He was in my Art and Crafts classes all year long (the only student the office ever allowed to do that). So, I saw him twice a day. I often saw him three times a day as well when I tutored him in math. He was a bright-eyed, joyful boy who could also be quite a handful. I always thought he’d be one of those boys who turned his life around and came back years later to visit. But, he died and I miss him.
Next was Christian. Christian found out that he had cancer last year and has been fighting the battle ever since. This year there came a point where he couldn’t come to school anymore. I did not know him very well, but many students at Hyde knew him well. He was the kind of kid who put others first and strived to be loving and supportive, despite his own bleak circumstances. When he was put on bedrest, I led a group of students to fold him a chain of 1,000 paper cranes as a sign of our hope and love for him. We spent our brunches for three weeks folding cranes. They were strung up on the ceiling above his bed and hopefully showed him encouragement and love in his final days. He died two weeks ago.
Sometime this past weekend we got news that a fellow teacher at Hyde died. Mr. Purdie taught 8th grade Language Arts. Known for his crazy antics and strange sense of humor, the students and staff did not take this well. We got news yesterday and had to read a letter to our students explaining his death. For my classes, which are 6-8th grade mixed, some students broke down instantly and others were confused because they did not speak English and did not know who Mr. Purdie was. It was an emotional, surreal day of listening, counseling, and trying to be emotionally stable enough to survive.
As I was reading the letter of Mr. Purdie’s passing to my students, my baby was moving and kicking inside of my belly. I felt his health, strength, and vibrance. The contrast between that and sharing the sad news of death with my students was overwhelming. I ended up having to get someone from the office to cover my class for a few minutes while I tried to pull it together.
I suppose this year has been a precious reminder of the beauty and sanctity of life. And the sense of wonder that any of us are actually breathing at all. It has also made me remember to draw tightly to those I love and to make my love known.
My thoughts and prayers are with the families of Hugo, Christian, and Alex.
Well, today was supposed to be the day I had all of my master’s work done. But, for a variety of reasons, it’s just not quite there yet. I had three classes that had loose ends, and was only able to finish off one of them yesterday. So, I have two left to go. I have started the work, outlined it, and begun developing it. It’s just not done.
I feel so tired of school work and disheartened that I couldn’t meet this goal. I miss bionic Stephanie who could just work for hours on end and get things done. Now I’m distracted, tired Stephanie.
So, while others have already started offering congratulations to me, I know that I’m technically not done. I will get to walk at graduation on Saturday since I have enough done that my professors know I should be finished soon. However, it will feel phony and non-elating. I love graduating when everything is actually done and you can smile the big smile and feel the huge sense of relief along with everyone else. I will have no such feeling.
So, now the plan. How am I going to finish this degree, wrap up the school year for my real job, and plan for my two summer jobs (one teaching a technology institute for teachers and the other teaching English Language Learners)? We’ll see.
I’m trying to stay positive. I mean, I got one class done, right? Just gotta keep the focus and run a little longer… I see the finish line, I just didn’t think it would be up such a steep hill.
My students usually make me a list now and again to help me pick new music to play in my classroom. Usually I find a few bands I like in the pile, and dump the others off as Brittney Spears wannabes or rappers with no respect for women. I found a few trends in the music they liked.
(1) Rap music that is either about cheating on your woman (as if it’s a cool thing) and dumping that b**** in the trunk of the car, etc. I don’t get why kids like this kind of music and I often listen to the lyrics of the songs they claim are cool and go over them with the kids. “Are you aware that this song is about beating his girlfriend until the baby inside of her dies because she refuses to get an abortion?” They usually look at me with blank faces like they just didn’t know what the lyrics said. I had one student respond once with, “Yeah, but the chorus is so catchy.” *sigh*
(2) Girly pop music that is either about being sexy enough to get a man, trying to be someone’s girlfriend, or laughing off the fact that her boyfriend is a cheater. Again, the kids usually don’t get the implications of the lyrics and continue listening to the music despite the mistreatment of human life it implies. Some girls have even mentioned that they just assume that boys are going to cheat, so they should just get as much “stuff” out of the relationship as they can. These opinions from kids who are 12-14 years old. *sigh*
(3) Bubblegum pop. It’s still popular. The middle school kids still like the sweet, innocent, fun music that’s about falling in love or holding hands or whatever. I like that they like this.
(4) Bitter girl music. To contrast the bubblegum pop, there is always the music that is sick of women being treated as objects, being hurt, being cast aside.
Aside from these trends, I discovered a really cool musician that I wanted to tell you about. While I was checking on iTunes to see if Puffy AmiYumi had any new music out, I discovered a new artist named Mika. Wow.
When you read about him, you learn that he was born in Beirut, moved to Paris, then to London. While there, he studied music at the Lycée Français Charles de Gaulle, Westminster School and the Royal College of Music. He was trained to sing by a Russian opera professional (how many modern artists even have significant training in music, let alone in opera???). Boasting a vocal range of 5 octives, Josh and I have listened to his album absolutely amazed at not only his vocal versatility, but also his broad range of musical ability. Every song on his album has a new sound to it and it is clear this guy knows his music history, composition, connecting emotion to this work, excellent lyric writing, and catchy melodies.
Josh and I best describe his music as a sort of Queen/Freddie Mercury rock opera style, with significant touches of the Scissor Sisters, Gwen Stefani, the Beatles, The Darkness, and others. Anyway, check him out & enjoy!
I left sub notes for a substitute teacher to show a short DVD to my students each period. They’d use that to complete a related assignment that would take the rest of the class period. No kidding, the sub left me this note:
“Only did the movie for 1st period because we couldn’t rewind it for the other classes.”
Seriously. So, my 1st period class had done the assignment, and the other classes just had study hall and I had to catch them up.
Wow.
I won the honorable award of being KBAY-FM Radio‘s Teacher of the Month!
Yeah, that’s the South Bay’s Soft Rock! (I always thought of myself as more of an alternative / punk / folk / indie teacher of the month, but soft rock is cool too.)
Anyway, the article is about half way down this page for the rest of this month. Or, I made a PDF of it for after-April 2007 readers.
I also have an MP3 File of one of the sound clips that they’ve been running on the radio this month. Or, just listen here:
When I share this with people, their eyes usually widen and look at me like I’m some kind of idiot. But, it’s the truth, and I stand by it. I am going to share the three major things that have been really hard for me to get used to during pregnancy. It isn’t nausea – I expected that and have coped with it pretty well. It isn’t the messed up hormones and emotional swings – those have also been taken in stride. It is the following:
1.) I Gain Weight
I know, you’re thinking, “Duh… you’re pregnant.” And, my brain fully agrees with you. But, being a weight conscious girl my whole life, there is something really depressing about not being able to button my favorite jeans or to see the scale go up in numbers. Again, I know that weight gain occurs in pregnancy and I have accepted that I am just going to gain around 30 pounds (give or take). (Pic is of me on April 8th at about 17 weeks.)
The point is that I always thought girls who were severely under or over weight were the ones who took our culture’s perspective on being thin too hard. But the truth is, I do too. I have always been an average weight and now, for the first time in my life, I fear that people will think that I am fat.
Especially early in my pregnancy, I couldn’t wait until I looked more pregnant so that people wouldn’t mistake my newly acquired baby belly as master’s degree weight. Even last week, someone told me I looked a bit “too big” considering how far along I was. What’s the deal? My doctor said that everyone wears their weight differently (and she said I looked totally average anyways considering how far along I was). From what I’ve gathered from other previously-pregnant girlfriends, I will encounter insensitive people judging my weight gain during the whole pregnancy. I haven’t had to deal with people questioning my weight before, and now some annoying people bring it up like it’s a casual topic. I’m thinking of just starting a “I won’t discuss my weight with you unless you’re my doctor” policy.
2.) I am Hungry. Really Hungry.
So, last week I had my regular breakfast (toast, banana, & decaf mocha) around 7:30 a.m. By 9:30, I was SO HUNGRY I thought I was going to commit some heinous crime to get something in my stomach. It was so bad that another teacher asked me something about using the copy machine, and I replied, “Have you tried adding salsa?”
On a break, I ran across the street and had the nice folks at Caffe Adria whip me up a California Omlette (egg whites, spinach, mushrooms… YUM!) with a huge cup of salsa. I downed the entire thing like a ravenous beast. And then I almost had an emotional breakdown. I was thinking, “Oh my gosh! You’re going to gain so much extra weight if you eat like this!” (See #1)
Eventually I came to my senses with a “eat whatever you want as long as it’s not a case of Milk Duds” pollicy. Luckily, I have been wanting to eat things like strawberries, carrots, and salsa. (Salsa is HUGE for me, I put it on everything: eggs, bread, crackers…) So, I have decided that as long as it’s something that has nutritional value and is not packed with sugar or fat, eat it. Eat as much as you want. Just control the “junk.”
We were at a friend’s house the other day and they were making dinner. Dinner wasn’t done and I was STARVING, I finally broke my normal polite manner and said, “Dude, I have got to eat NOW. Do you have any carrots?” Luckily, they had a bunch of carrots and I sat there happily munching away.
I still can’t help but feel emotional twinges of guilt though. My emotions keep telling me that I shouldn’t be eating outside of my regular meals. But, my brain steps in and reminds me that eating small amounts throughout the day is better, that I won’t crash or hurl as often, and that as long as I’m eating healthy I’m okay.
3.) I Can’t Concentrate
As a really focused, driven person, I have always been able to sit down and plunk out a paper or make a project or do whatever needed to be done. Any lapses I’ve had in concentration have been for brief moments, and just sitting down and plunking away has always opened up doors to successful completion of work.
Now… it’s like I’m not me anymore. I was writing my IT Portfolio as part of my master’s degree and it took me two hours to write the introductory paragraph! I kept a copy of my fourth draft of the topic sentence because it was so deliriously bad: “I hope to use my experiences in Instructional Technology to help my students experience all of the great experiences in the wonderful world of art.” After typing it, I thought, “Yeah! That sounded good! Maybe reread just to make sure…” *Gasp!* After reading it, I started weeping and pounding the table exclaiming to the heavens that I wanted my brain back. And that I should get punished if I ever refer to the “wonderful world of art” again.
With my tail between my legs, and no actual good thoughts coming into my head, I submitted myself to the outlining method that I teach my middle schoolers to write most of the introductory stuff in that portfolio. I consider it to be my most horrible writing to date, but at least I passed. *Whew!*
I’m used to flowing ideas. I’m used to being able to generate several key points in my head and to organize and unleash them with relative ease.
If I could use prayer for anything, it would be concentration. I still have three classes and a comprehensive exam to pass before I can graduate at the end of May. Normally, I’d tackle it and get it done, but my brain has been slower and distracted lately and I’m beginning to worry that I may be trying to accomplish something beyond me.
Well, enough ranting, I have a ton of work to do and only four days left until Spring Break is over. Then I get to juggle work with my attempts to finish. Oh, and here’s a pic of the little tyke at 16 weeks on April 5th:
*Steph steps on soapbox.*
So, I sent a PDF out to people at my school. The ladies in the office told me that they couldn’t open it and asked if I could send it in a format that was more “universally acceptable” like a Microsoft Word document. I told them that, actually, the PDF was considered to be much more universally acceptable since you only needed free software to be able to read it. Also, the name “Portable Doucment Format” was a testimony to its intended purpose of being easily transferred between different OSes and between Mac and PC platforms. They stared at me blankly. I offered to send them the link to download Adobe Acrobat Reader. Still, blank faces.
I went back to my office and exported my document to Microsoft Word format and sent it to them. Some battles are too painful to fight.
But, it gets worse. I figured that the lower-tech office ladies would shrug off the PDF thing, but now, not one, but TWO of my professors have requested that we send our homework assignments in DOC format because it’s “more accessible.” GAH! I love when someone in my class sends me her paper in an old version of Word and it ends up all funky looking on my newer version.
One of my teachers didn’t have VERDANA installed on his machine and when he opened up my file he downgraded me because my font wasn’t very readable. Hello!?!? That’s because his computer didn’t have a standard readable font and replaced it with some tiny version of TIMES. Another problem the PDF would have solved.
I especially love when my professors tell me that they don’t like PDFs because “you can’t make comments on them.” Hello!?! Am I the only one who knows the wonders of highlighting, underlining, making call out bubbles, or leaving comments on a PDF? Does anyone else appreciate not having to download special fonts or whatnot in order to view my documents?
Seriously, people! PDF is the way to go. ANYONE can open it for free on his or her computer without having to purchase software by the *evil* company (heh). It will show up on everyone else’s computer looking exactly the same as it did on your computer. People can’t go in and edit your content without copying and pasting it into their own word processors. (Besides, if I wanted you to edit my content, I wouldn’t have sent you a PDF). And, you can do all kinds of nifty little commenting and whatnot on it. Get with it! Sheesh!
*Steph steps off soapbox.*
The little cross-hairs in the middle mark the spot of his “goods.” Yes, we have a name. No, we aren’t going to tell you. And I’ve been doing great. My belly is visible now and I haven’t been as nauseous as before. I’m amazed at how happy this makes me. Sometimes I’m just grinning from ear to ear and can’t stop.
I also finished my research of Consumer Reports for all things baby, and think I’ve finished our baby registry. We’ll probably end up getting most of the stuff ourselves (especially the big ticket items), but having the registry up will at least end the prodding from the various people who have been asking me about it.
Well, now I have to finish my master’s degree. What a super super fun way to spend my spring break! 🙂
Josh and I have been considering starting our own business, but choosing a name is a huge decision. So, you have to look at your business model, project what you may be doing in the future (especially as technology changes effect what you do), and consider how a name encompasses what you do. Maybe that’s why Google works so well, because they do like a hundred+ different things, so the name is appropriate. Or a name like Apple, actual apples are not really related to technology, so they can continue to reshape or redefine what their name means.
Consider a local Cupertino business: $1.95 Cleaners. Their name is bad because, what happens with inflation? Or, as their new banner suggests, “Shirts $1.25.” So… does their name reflect or not reflect the price of their services? It confuses me because not everything is $1.95 and it complicates my shopping there. Like having stuff for $3 at the dollar store.
Another local business is called Just Nails. It’s obviously a place for manicures, pedicures, and the like. But, then they added a sign under their sign: “Now with Hair Salon.” It blew my mind. I was like, But you are JUST NAILS! And now you do HAIR!?!?!?!” Their name didn’t lend much credibility to their ability to do hair and seemed to distract from their original, simple purpose. Nails.
I’m considering different business names and how they impact the ability to grow and expand, to reshape with the times. But also to give a fairly clear indication of what, exactly, it is that the business offers the consumer. We have some ideas. Maybe we’ll call it “Just Josh, (Now with Stephanie!).” That would be a cool business name.