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I am an artist & teacher with a ❤ for visual expression, educational methodology, homesteading, & Jesus. My geek-love is The Joshua and we have three peanut-butters: Caleb, Jack, & Louritta.

Learning How To Be A Bigger Geek Than I Already Am

02/18/2004

I just took a class last night on Adobe GoLive. It continues on Thursday. I’m basically starting to take courses to learn how to use a lot of Adobe’s software. Since Josh and I have been getting into web development, we’ve both been curious about what shortcuts are available to make web dev less time consuming. Although I think GoLive is neato, there are still a lot of things that bugged me about the program. I guess I’m a control freak and html gives me so much control.
I felt like the biggest geek last night. The teacher gave us a problem to solve to get the cells in the table to align a certain way. I couldn’t get the program to work with me, so I just went into the source code and changed it. The teacher was excited that someone had figured out how to change the cells, but I kind of got in trouble a bit when he found out that I didn’t use the program, but used the code. I think GoLive is the most powerful when you know how to use the program and how to write html. There’s a reason why they let you split the screen with the source code.
Next I’m going to learn Adobe’s Live Motion. It’s cool being a teacher because I’m a member at this thing called RAFT and they offer free Adobe classes and even free software to teachers who can prove a need. It’s a much better price than the webdev classes I was looking at at the University.

Just In Time for Valelentine’s Day

02/14/2004

Wow. You go, California. And don’t let the “Campaign for California Families, a non-profit organization that promotes family values” be such an enemy. Heaven forbid we try to maintain some standard for living around here. But, if anyone is going to challenge God, the Church, and standards for morality…it’s right here in San Francisco.
Well, here’s the info anyway:
Article 1: 80 Same-Sex Couples Marry in Historic Nuptuals in S.F.
Article 2: Same-Sex Couples Marry in San Francisco

Obscure Bible Verses

02/14/2004

We’re having a contest at Christian Club (my middle school jr. high group) to find obscure, weird, or funny when out of context Bible verses. It will be next week and the kids will be combing the pages of their Bibles looking for their obscure verses. Here are mine so far:

  • From there Elisha went up to Bethel. As he was walking along the road, some youths came out of the town and jeered at him. “Go on up, you baldhead!” they said. “Go on up, you baldhead!” He turned around, looked at them and called down a curse on them in the name of the LORD. Then two bears came out of the woods and mauled forty-two of the youths. 2 Kings 2:23-24
  • Happy is the one who takes your babies and smashes them against the rocks! Psalm 137:9
  • The LORD said to me, “Go, show your love to your wife again, though she is loved by another and is an adultress. Love her as the LORD loves the Israelites, though they turn to other gods and love the sacred raisin cakes. Hosea 3:1

If you’d like to join in the search, it’s fun! I suggest almightypower.net to help you search for words or phrases. What a fun way to dig into God’s word!

Stephanie’s Even Star

02/14/2004

Sweet! Josh got me the coolest Valentine’s gift. He got me an authentic Lord of the Rings necklace. It’s a reproduction of Arwen’s Even Star. It’s so cool! It came in this cool oak box that says “Lord of the Rings” on the front, it opens like a book. Then, inside, was the sweet necklace itself!
I know…it’s a little geeky of me. But I totally dig Arwen’s character because she is so patient and willing to wait for love. Plus, Liv Tyler is awesome. Anyhoo…Josh totally did awesome and I love it! Check it out:

Can Adult Women Wear Pig Tails?

02/11/2004

I wore pig tails today. Mainly because my hair is too short to be put in a ponytail, and long enough that it goes in my face all the time. I’ve been teaching the pottery wheel lately, so it’s difficult when my hair flies in my face, so I have to push it out of the way with my clay hand. Yuck.
So, pig tails. I received many comments such as, “Oh! I thought you were a student!” and “I thought you looked young before!” and “You look like a kid!”
Is it wrong of me to “look like a kid” and wear pig tails? I kind of don’t care and feel like it’s my culture’s problem for associating pig tails with kids. Why should I limit my style for culture? Is that bad?

Return to Normalcy

02/09/2004

It’s so interesting how, when life gets boring, the mundane things tend to drive us bonkers. There are so many weekends when I dread the inevitable laundry pile, or every night when the stack of dishes in the sink beckons to me. Even when the car needs gas, I feel like my life has been reduced to some repeated tedious tasks. I hope for my life to become something better, something greater, something more meaninful. Wasn’t I meant to have a greater impact on the world than this?
Then, when tragedy strikes and your world is rocked, there is a kind of peace in the mundane things. I know that sounds weird. But, I felt peaceful and real doing my laundry. I was glad that there was some kind of regular thing that kept me tied to the normal world of normal people who do normal things (like laundry). The return to normalcy has been good. How long until it seems mundane and pointless again?

Things That Change

02/06/2004

It’s amazing the things that change over the course of a week. My books on pregnancy and motherhood have been packed away and replaced with books on miscarriage. The pants that were fitting tight around my waist a few days ago are today hanging on my hips. The maternity clothes that I took out and was washing so they’d be ready for me have been boxed up. My blogs have changed from funny or thoughtful things to words of a grieving woman.
My students have had their presentations pushed ahead to next week and are currently working on “filler” assignments until I get back.
My mother called and said that she had sent me a package several days ago, but that when I got it I shouldn’t open it. It had some beautiful maternity shirts inside.
My previously empty counters are now filled with bright bouquets of flowers.
The bubbly high-energy Steph gets replaced with the careful somewhat-reluctant Steph (at least for a little while). The couch that was neat is now covered with blankets and pillows and indents of my curled-up body. The nights that I was sleeping through have been replaced with constant trips to the bathroom as I watch the remains of my child come out.
Conversations with others are filled with awkward pauses. People don’t know what to say to you. So…yeah…the awkwardness.
Things That Don’t Change:
God.

Looking for Answers

02/05/2004

I guess I’m to the point where I’m pretty sick of the whole miscarriage thing. Like I said before, it’s getting all too familiar to go through with this. So, I went to my favorite place, Barnes & Noble, and picked up a couple of books this evening. One is Preventing Miscarriage: The Good News. The other is Empty Arms: Hope and Support for Those Who Have Suffered a Miscarriage…. Maybe I can find some answers. Maybe it will still be a blur as to why I’ve had three.
Josh figured out today, based on miscarriage statistics, that the chances of me having 3 miscarriages in a row that just happen to be flukes is one out of 216. I’m guessing that there is probably some reason why it’s happening. I read some research that says that most repeat miscarriages are usually a problem with the female. That knowledge is both humbling and scary.
I realized something very important today. Someone said to me, “That is so sad that the cry of your heart isn’t being answered.” I agreed with them at the time. Today I realized that the cry of my heart is not to have a child. I think that would be really a neat experience, but it’s not the cry of my heart. The cry of my heart is to know God and to worship Him forever. That is my deepest desire. Whether or not I have a child has no bearing on that cry.
MATTHEW   6:33 “But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”
Amen to that.

Peace

02/04/2004

He is my Light and my Salvation
Whom have I to fear
In His secret place I’ll hide and pray
That I might hear a simple word
O, how I would have despaired
If You had not come found me there
I can lean against Your throne and find my Peace
Find my Peace
And when my enemies draw near
I pray that they will find
That I’m protected and secure
All tempests He will bind with a mighty word
O, how I would have despaired
If You had not come found me there
I can lean against Your throne and find my Peace
Find my Peace
He is my Light and my Salvation whom have I to fear?
by Jennifer Knapp

Heart Beat Monday, None Today

02/04/2004

Well, I haven’t told many of you that I’ve been pregnant for nine weeks now. I was waiting to tell people until I was further along so that I knew the baby was healthy (especially considering my last two miscarriages). Well, I started bleeding on Sunday. I went to the doctor on Monday and the baby was fine with a good strong heartbeat. I continued bleeding though and went back to see the doctor this morning. There is no heartbeat. So, I’m losing my third child as we speak.
I guess I’m not really sure how I feel right now. Part of me wants to just get over the whole thing and move on, but I know that’s not the healthy thing to do. I need to slow down and grieve this child so that I have a strong foothold to move forward on. I have to be honest though that I am scared out of my mind to try again. I guess I’m a little gun shy. It’s so painful to lose kids and it’s hard to keep stepping forward and taking the pain. With God’s strength I will try again someday. Just not now.
As I tell Josh, I think that the Lewis kids are so cool and so fun that God just can’t wait to hang out with them. They’re all having a big party with God in heaven right now…and I’ll just have to wait to meet them until I get there someday.
I really need God’s strength to get through this. Thank you to everyone who has been praying for us.

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