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I am an artist & teacher with a ❤ for visual expression, educational methodology, homesteading, & Jesus. My geek-love is The Joshua and we have three peanut-butters: Caleb, Jack, & Louritta.

God Grows You When You Dive In

03/23/2004

I’ve just been amazed at God so regularly lately. I guess I have really been feeling the strength of what happens when you commit youself to a ministry. God teaches you, guides you through it, and sustains you. I’ve been working with the PBCC Jr. High as well as Hyde’s Christian Club. Both have kept me in God’s word, have kept me discussing and thinking, have pushed me to pray and to seek God, and have been somewhat of a family to me out here. What a blessing and a joy.
If you’re a Christian and aren’t involved in a regular ministry, what’s keeping you?

I Was Bought With a Price

03/22/2004

This past week has been one of reflection and thanks. The images from Passion of the Christ are still fresh in my mind as I reflect.

  • You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore, honor God with your body. (I Corinthians 19b-20)
  • You were bought with a price, do not become slaves of men. (I Corinthians 7: 23)
  • But there will also…be false teachers among you. They will cleverly teach their destructive heresies about God and even turn against their Master who bought them.

I am not my own. God has purchased me. Therefore, my obedience to Him and His commands is imperative to me attaining any kind of freedom. Being under God’s command is better than making my own choices, and I am thankful that I have someone who knows what He’s doing looking out for me!
I had a great day today. Josh’s folks will be boarding a plane back to MN soon. I’ll miss them greatly, but I really enjoyed them being here. They were such amazing servants to Josh and me that I only hope I can reflect some of that back to others. We almost have our whole house unpacked. We have pictures hung. We just have maybe a couple of afternoons worth of stuff to finish. Our move will culminate to our garage sale on Saturday!

I Love Dave Matthews

03/22/2004

Yes I do. Well, some of his songs are a little freaky, and maybe even a bit satanic. But, I find him overall to be thoughtful and very musically interesting. I could work to his music all day long. In fact, I have! Here’s one song that’s really been catching my interest:

Spoon

Spoon in spoon
Stirring my coffee
I thought of you
And turned to the gate
On my way came up with the answers
I scratched my head
And the answers were gone
From hand to hand
Wrist to the elbow
Red blood sand
Could Dad be God
Crosses cross hung out like a wet rag
Forgive you why
You hung me out to dry
Maybe I’m crazy
But laughing out loud
Makes the pain pass by
And maybe you’re a little crazy
But laughing out loud makes it all subside
Holding I’m holding
I’m still falling
Spoon in spoon
Stirring my coffee
I thought of this
And turned to the gate
But on my way
Crack
Lightning and thunder
I hid my head
And the storm slipped away
Well maybe I’m crazy
And laughing out loud
Makes it all pass by
And maybe you’re a little crazy
And laughing out loud
Makes it all alright
Laughing out loud
From time to time
Minutes and hours
Some move ahead while
Some lag behind
It’s like the balloon that
Rise and then vanish
This drop of hope
That falls from his eyes
Spoon in spoon
Stirring my coffee
I think of this
And turn to go away
But as I walk
There’re voices behind me saying
Sinners sin
Come now and play

Awesome Meal

03/16/2004

Josh and I came home from work today and dinner was ready! Josh’s folks are visiting and they totally made us dinner! It was awesome. I can’t remember the last time someone had dinner ready for me when I came home. Schweet. They’re doing a bunch of other stuff too…especially helping with our move. It makes me feel a little guilty that I don’t have more go power and am not working as hard as they are. But, sometimes we need to let other people love on us. And it’s awesome. And I feel loved.

Man, It’s Nice Out!

03/15/2004

Today: Sunny. High 79F. Winds NW at 10 to 20 mph. Currently 73F.
Tonight: Generally clear. Low near 50F. Winds NNW at 5 to 10 mph.
*Steph makes a Nelson Muntz style Ha-Ha to all the people in the midwest.*
My life is in boxes…but slowly working it’s way out. Josh’s folks are visiting this week. And, the custodians finally waxed the floors in my classroom! Who could ask for anything more?

Exhaustion Sets In

03/14/2004

Darn it. I typed this once…and now I’m typing it again because I closed the wrong window without saving first. So, here goes…again….
I’m way tired today. I’m doing all I can to put on the brakes of my freight train life. I want it to slow down, but sometimes God has other plans. My house is still in boxes. I wish there was more order before I have to go to work tomorrow. I just like to not have to pick through boxes to find my toothbrush or my alarm clock or whatever thing I happen to need at the time. I have a lot done, I’m just tired of spending all of my free time trying to organize my life.
Today we talked with the pastor of the Jr. High group. He said that he wanted to invite us on the Romania trip, but didn’t because we were expecting a child at the time. I was also asked a while ago to go on the Yosemite trip with my school, but turned it down because of my pregnancy. Now I have no baby, no Romania, and no Yosemite. It makes me a little angry. I have to keep reminding myself that God has good purpose and will glorify Himself the most if we go with His plans. Sometimes I get frustrated that my brain is too small to comprehend God and His will for my life.
Josh and I have been looking into the possibility of adoption. Not sure when or if this will happen. I’m just not sure how many more times I want to go through miscarriages before giving up completely on having my own child. It’s starting to feel a little ritualistic where I get pregnant, get my hopes up (actually, not so much with this last one), lose the child, then take a week off of work to recuperate. How many times do I go through that before I just say forget it?
I’ve always had a heart for the kids at Cebu Children’s Shelter. Ever since I went there on my Philippines trip, I knew that it was a big possibility that some of those kids could end up in my home. I’m not sure when or how or if…it’s just a someday possibility.
On top of that, I’ve been struggling a lot with my looks lately. I never have until now. I just feel unattractive and kind of lousy. I’ve been checking myself in the mirror too many times and fussing over my clothes. I believe that Satan is messing with my head and trying to get my to believe lies. Again, I find myself at the foot of God’s throne. Looking for answers. But even more than that, looking for some kind of peace.

Lemon Tree, Very Pretty

03/13/2004

…but the lemons are dropping everywhere! Not that any of my Minnesota friends will be able to help me with this. See, this new place that Josh and I just moved into has a lemon tree in the back. It’s very cool, but every day I pick like 5 icky lemons off the ground. So, I basically have no clue how to care for a lemon tree. How do I know when to pick the fruit off? Should I pick it all off? Will I kill the tree? (Because a dead tree would look really stupid in our patio). Any good recipes that utilize lemons???

Unpacking Boxes

03/13/2004

They seem neverending. I’m amazed at how much random junk we have. I think I mostly finished the bedroom & kitchen and am now moving on to unpacking the bathrooms. Josh’s job involves anything with cords and plugs and stringing cords along walls. I hate those jobs. So, hopefully this will be done soon so we can just chill out and have fun!

The Truth That Sets Me Free

03/10/2004
  • God is good (Psalms 119:68, 136:1).
  • God loves me and wants me to have his best (Romans 8:32, 38-39).
  • I am complete and accepted in Christ (Ephesians 1:4-6).
  • God is enough (Psalm 23:1).
  • God can be trusted (Isaiah 28:16).
  • God doesn’t make any mistakes (Isaiah 46:10).
  • God’s grace is sufficient for me (2 Corinthians 12:9).
  • The blood of Christ is sufficient to cover all my sin (1 John 1:7).
  • The Cross of Christ is sufficient to conquer my sinful flesh (Romans 6:6-7).
  • My past does not have to plague me (1 Corinthians 6:9-11).
  • God’s word is sufficient to lead me, teach me, and heal me (Psalms 19:7, 107:20, 119:105).
  • Through the power of His Holy Spirit, God will enable me to do anything He commands me to do (1 Thessalonians 5:24; Philippians 2:13).
  • I am responsible before God for my behavior, responses, and choices (Ezekiel 18:19-22).
  • I will reap whatever I sow (Galatians 6:7-8).
  • The pathway to true joy is to relinquish control (Matthew 16:25, Luke 1:38, 1 Peter 5:7).
  • The greatest freedom I can experience is found through submission to God-ordained authority (Ephesians 5:21).
  • Personal holiness is more important than temporal happiness (Ephesians 5:26-27).
  • God is more concerned about changing me and glorifying Himself than about solving my problems (Romans 8:29).
  • It is impossible to be godly without suffering (1 Peter 5:10).
  • My suffering will not last forever (2 Corinthians 4:17-18).
  • It’s not about me; it’s all about Him (Colossians 1:16-18; Revelation 4:11).

Taken from Lies Women Believe.

Good, Sweet Routine

03/09/2004

Again, I find myself thankful for the normal everyday things that make you feel sane. After yesterday I was a little emotionally messed up and stressed. I woke up this morning (an hour earlier than usual because I had to go to a stupid meeting) and wanted the day to be over. I brushed my teeth. I washed my hair. I made a latte. I got to work and (after my meeting) taught my students about Art. Today’s focus in Visual Art was adding effective texture and detail to define objects. I love that topic.
The routine makes me feel sane. Like, I was going crazy yesterday and now this stuff that sometimes seems boring suddenly makes you happy. It gets you back in the swing of things. I love that. And pretty soon, Josh is going to pick me up, like he does everyday. And I get to hug him (like I do everyday) and convince him to take me out for ice cream (like I do some days).
Actually, I always want ice cream on the texture drawing days. I teach students how to take simple forms and manipulate them to look like an actual object. One example I show is a cone plus a sphere plus a bunch of texture equals a really delicious ice cream. Then I go, “Mmmmmm…. ice cream… garglggglllhhhhh…” And they all laugh because kids today are still in touch with the Simpsons. The Simpsons could very well be the modern day Shakespeare.

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