I am an artist & teacher with a ❤ for visual expression, educational methodology, homesteading, & Jesus. My geek-love is The Joshua and we have three peanut-butters: Caleb, Jack, & Louritta.

Steph Speaks Frankly About Diarrhea

10/15/2005

No, I’m not going to post a picture with this entry. The rebellious, shocking side of me wanted to. But the tactful, tasteful side of me censored that side. I know, you can thank me when you see me next.
So, today I was at the grocery store. I finally had all of my food and was standing in line waiting to check out. Then, the pains started. I was in decision mode — do I see if I can get through the line and get home? Do I see if I can get through the line and then search for a bathroom? I shifted my weight to the other foot, then back again, counting the forty-something items the woman in front of me had. Then, the gurgling started.
I left the line in search of the restroom. Finally, I found one in the back corner of the store and parked my cart next to it. The door was locked because someone was in there. I jiggled the handle excitedly, hoping that whoever was in there wasn’t going through what I was about to. Luckily, that woman left quickly and I made my way in. I was miserable.
But that’s not the worst part. When I finally got out after some time — feeling much better by the way — my cart was gone! Apparently I’d been in there for too long and some store workers thought the cart was abandoned. I paused and muttered some choice words to myself, then sighed and started my grocery shopping all over again. Good times. Yeah… good times.

I Met a Crazy Dude

10/12/2005

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After my art history class today, I sat on a bench outside to check my e-mail and enjoy the beautiful day. As I struggled to get onto the stupidly-put-together wifi connection at SJSU, a crazy dude came up to me. This is how the conversation went:
CrazyDude: Excuse me, do you know the time?
Me: It’s 5:58.
CrazyDude: Do you know George Bush?
Me: I know who he is, yes.
CrazyDude: I just talked to him. I talked to him three times today on a cordless phone. Magaggllalagglhghhhh.
Me: Oh.
CrazyDude: He’s going to be the new president of Washington Bank! He’s the president of our country and now he’ll also be the president of — maggglglglhhhalalahahllahlaghalh — Washington Bank!
Me: *realize dude is crazy, let him stand there and talk while I continue to check my e-mail*
CrazyDude: Washington Bank! Magggggglaglglglghhhaaa. *twitch, twitch* I want to ggggglglgjgjgmgmaaaaggglglgll. *twitch, twitch* Don’t you think that Bush should bank and gglgllalksjsjshhaaaaaaa… *saunters off and attempts to speak to others… but they just ignore him as well.*

Wide-Eyed Childhood

10/11/2005

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Well, I’ve been “reading” the Narnia books lately. I already finished The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe, and am now part way through The Magician’s Nephew. Man, they’re even better than I remember them to be from when I read them in 3rd-5th grade.
But, besides that, I have been seeing lots of contrasts between the children in them and the children I see in real life. When considering them both, I believe that I was more of a Narnia kid. I find that many kids today have their lives micromanaged by their parents, are given things to use for entertainment, and are generally cut off from the concept of entertaining themselves. Sometimes I’ll say that we’re going to work on a drawing, or read part of a story… and there’s always some kid that groans that it’s “boooooorrrrrrrriiiiiing!!!” Since when is that boring? I mean, if I told my students we were going to stare at a spot on the wall for the whole period, then they are more entitled to their groaning. But no, something like drawing or reading… boring?
No, I was a Narnia kid. I grew up on a farm. We owned a few board games, but rarely played them. We did have an Atari, but could only play it on rainy days or other approved times (although I was never really into it). Besides that, our job as children was to think, consider, dream, and explore. I spent most of my childhood in the woods climbing trees, building forts, and concocting very expansive stories with my brothers about me being a princess in disguise and them being roving minstrels and the world being attacked by evil and how we were the only three to protect it! We’d make up stories and dream and grow. And we’d read books and build stuff and consider the world to be much large than us… and adventure to be lived.
I used to ride my horse out to a field in the middle of the woods that, yes, had a stream going through it. I’d lay by the stream in the sunlight and read while my horse ate grass. Eventually, the sun would start to go down and I’d hear my dad whistle from the house meaning that it was time to come in and help with chores. I went on so many adventures from that place, it was almost spiritual.
When I tell kids today that I did this, very often they and their parents respond in ways I wouldn’t have expected. The kids tell me that it sounds boring to spend a summer afternoon doing that. And the parents mumble something about how my parents should have monitored me more closely because I could have gotten hurt.
But, when I read C.S. Lewis, I know that there is someone out there who lived and dream a wide-eyed, open, adventure of a childhood. And, my life is still like that. If becoming “mature” or becoming an “adult” means abandoning this sense of adventure and connection to creativity, then don’t think I’ll ever grow up. I’m quite satisfied in my Narnia.

Catch Up!

10/10/2005

Ever feel like life is a never-ending game of catch up? It’s like, I just finish all this crap and then realize that there’s a whole steaming pile over there now too. I got a ton done on Saturday, but by Sunday I was completely fried and could not concentrate on anything. Now, today, my art classes were acting wacky so it took a fair amount of my energy to get kids to focus. That wore me out, and I still have class then more homework when I get home. When will it end?
My only answer is to work hard now and save as much money as I can and then retire early! That would totally rule!!! What if I could retire by the age of 45 and live comfortably after that? Would that be possible? That would be awesome. Then I could travel around and focus on art and ministry and not have lots of other things hanging in the balance all the time.j
Well, gotta go to class now. Sigh.

Fear of Silicosis

10/05/2005

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The above pic was taken from a website surveying the danger of silicosis in American industry in the 30’s. Granted, my job is not sending me down in mines or anything. But, I am around lots of clay, which contains silica. So, two years ago, my school installed an air conditioner in my room, which blows air from two different vents, but there is no air intake. Meaning, that it pretty much blows dust all around my room and there is nothing taking it in… except my lungs! This didn’t occur to me as being a big deal until I developed asthma last summer and wondered what would trigger asthma in my adulthood. Could it potentially be breathing in dust?
Then I started reading articles about the inhalation of silica. I found that it causes silicosis after extended periods of time. In talking to my doctor today, she said she could not confirm whether or not my asthma was caused by my work environment, although it is a possibility. She said that I did need to be concerned about long-term effects of inhalation, which can cause lovely diseases like Black Lung. Gah!?!
This concerns me more that usual today because I’ve essentially been having an asthma attack for three days. I had a normal cold for a couple weeks and it drained fluid into my lungs. Because my lungs have been working so hard just to breathe (from the asthma), they have not been able to work the fluid out of my lungs as most healthy people are able to do. So, I had to get put on steriods and codine and inhalers with NO EXERCISE for awhile. Yes, this means no volleyball or surfing! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Turns out that a bad asthma attack could hospitalize me, give me pnemonia, or worse. Whoa. Is this related to inhaling clay in my classroom? I’m not sure. I want to guess that it is, but I have no proof. But, it raises the concern of what the long term ramifications of being around disease-causing inhalents could be.
Only recently have the effects of clay dust & related clay hazards been brought to the surface. Most of them say that it takes 10+ years in a ceramics studio to develop something called “potters rot” of the lungs. Now, there’s a pleasant thought! The difficulty with silica is that it is such a fine particle that once it gets in the lungs, it does not leave! So, it builds up over time and… potters rot. Yuck, and also AHHHH!!!
So, I’ve been researching some filter systems and am hoping to convince my school that, though expensive, MY LUNGS ARE WORTH IT! That, and I don’t want to die of a lung disease. That would suck!

My Illness Is Nasty, But Boy is it Pretty!

10/03/2005

Dr. Tsutomu Seimiya, Interference image of a microscopic flow-pattern in draining soap film (15x), 13th place in the Nikon Small World Contest.

Well, I’m officially sick of being sick. This stuffy, achy, muscle-hurty, ickness has got to go. It seems that I only get sick when I have no time to be sick. Isn’t that when it always happens? Gah. For the last couple of weeks I’ve pretty much been limping along trying not to get behind. But, today it all broke loose and I wasn’t able to keep pace anymore. I felt so crappy that I didn’t go to work and I missed my Art History class. We had a paper due today, and well, it’s not done either. I pretty much slept all weekend and today and even had to cancel playing volleyball yesterday and today. I know. *Gasp!* I didn’t even go to my volleyball games! Yeah, I’m feeling that crappy.
So, I was thinking about germs and about how they’re probably actually quite interesting looking. So, I was googling germs and stuff like that and stumbled upon Nikon’s Small World Contest. Wow! Stuff looks cool up close! It’s like all colorful and glowing and flowing!
Anyway, it gave me a different perspective of my illness. I imagined these germs living inside of me, all graceful and patterned and vibrantly colored, doing a magical dance with my weak weak white blood cells. The worst part about what I have is that it isn’t anything. The doctor just said that I have a “virus” and the only way to get rid of it is “rest and plenty of fluids.” Man, I wish I could just take it on in a ninja fight and end this once and for all. *Steph does sweet move a la The Matrix and beckons germs to take her on in battle, the germs cower in fear* Stupid sickness.
Until then, I’ll look at pretty germs and try to think better of this stupid thing that’s got me down. “Self, I know this sickness hurts and is tiring, but it’s aesthetically pleasing. It’s God’s artwork in your shattered, broken body. There’s a metaphor for life in there… somewhere… just focus on it. Focus! The best art expresses human suffering! So suffer! Suffer for the sake of art!!!”

Me and Mark Down By the Schoolyard

09/30/2005

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Actually, that title comes from the song Me and Julio Down By the Schoolyard.

So, I got to paint sets, organize costumes, and coach speech with Mark. While I loved all of those things, my favorite was probably my friendship with Mark. He’s a real swell guy with a big heart and lots of crazy stories. And, for some reason, we just worked really well together. For those of you who have been in the workforce for awhile, you know that it’s sometimes really hard to find someone that you work well with. And we did.

We’d go to speech tournaments all day, then kick it back over a steak and coffee afterwards (too depleted to make it all the way back home without protein…). And we both loved to talk about plays that we’d seenor read about. And, of course, we liked to talk about the goings on of our students and how we might make a better impact on them.
So, now that I’m in California, Mark and I don’t work together anymore. I guess it’s a drawback to moving across the country! But, he is able to get out here once a year or so to hang out, go see a play, get some dinner, get lost in San Francisco, or whatever. I hope that if I move back to Minnesota, Mark and I might be able to work together again. We could meet up down by the Centennial schoolyard and talk about stuff and laugh and catch up. I’d like that.

Out of This World

09/29/2005

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Has anybody seen the cheesy 80’s sitcom Out of This World? It was terrible. But, besides that, the main character had this sweet ability to put her fingers together and stop time. Then she could run around and unfreeze other people and get into all kinds of antics before she would unfreeze time again. Like, in the intro, a ladder tips over with a bucket of paint on it, the paint is about to hit her when she quickly sticks her fingers together and the paint freezes in mid air. She is able to avoid the paint disaster!
I wish I could do that. I may even stick it in the top five list of my superpower wishes wishlist (along with teleportation, absorbing knowledge, turning into a fish, and being able to put on my shoes really really fast). My only question is, does she continue to age during the frozen time? Cuz that would suck. If she doesn’t, that would totally RULE!
I’ve needed some frozen time lately. My sickness still isn’t going away, so I’ve been totally dragging. My voice sounds all scratchy and yuck. A lot of my normal teaching methods have been waysided since I can’t just outtalk my students anymore. I have to stand there like Feris Buller’s teacher slowly, quietly, expectantly asking my class to shut up. Exept I stand there and go, “If your neighbors are talking, give them hand. …Anyday people… …I’m keeping you after class for every second that I have to wait… …Anyday now people… …anyday…” *Shudders* I hate doing that.
So, I started wishing I could freeze time. Then I could stop time and sleep, or tape mouths shut of students who are talking, or just remove some kids from the class completely (like stick them in the back of science class instead). Then, when time started again they’d be all, “WHAT JUST HAPPENED!?!” And I’d be all, “You should have listened to me in the first place!!! Bwa-ha-ha-ha-Ha-HAAAAA!”
Sweet.

Thoughts on Death

09/28/2005

Death seems to be the topic of the day. A coworker said that today is the 17th anniversary of the day his mother died. He was busy bringing his kids to school and went to wake her up and she was naked, sprawled out on the floor in her room, no breath left in her. He said that he went to work that day after she was “taken care of,” mostly because he didn’t know what else to do.
Then another coworker shared about when her father died. He was golfing with a bunch of friends. They all wanted to leave after playing the ninth hole, but he thought it was a lovely day and wanted to finish off the game. So, his friends left, and he finished his game. On his way back to the car, he had a heart attack and died. According to his score card, it turns out he had golfed a really good game though. Not a bad way to go out.
Reminiscing about an old coworker, they said a teacher that worked at Hyde was 37 years old. She worked all day, then went home after school with a bag of papers to grade. As she was unlocking the door of her house she had a stroke and died. Her kids found her when they came home from school.
Being that I currently have a horrid cold that has been going strong for a full week now, I was already in a pretty somber mood today. But now, after hearing all these thoughts on death, life seems slow, as though in a movie. And I look at others a little more careful, more appreciative way. Life seems so long and so tedious sometimes, but when it ends its sometimes so abrupt like a speeding car hitting a wall.
I just hope that when I go my family and friends know the depths of my love and care for them, even though I pretty much suck at showing it. And I hope that my funeral can be a place of laughter, of fond memories, and reminiscing. (Sidenote: I have requested that, if I die of dysentery, Josh bury me in a funny t-shirt that will offend people initially by its humor, but will be funny in retrospect).

Portfolio Work In Progress

09/25/2005


Well, I’ve been looking at finally adding to the portfolio link of my website. Goodness knows I have a TON of artwork to put up there, but who has the time? So, Josh and I sat down today and have put together a nice little format for how it’s going to work. Granted, it won’t be up probably for several more months, but at least now there’s a vision. Once I have that puppy up, I’ll be super satisfied with my website because it will encapsulate me more fully.
Until then, I’ve begun the process of digitizing my artwork. The smaller things can be scanned, but the larger items will need to be photographed. This kind of stinks because I don’t really have a high-quality digital camera. Maybe I can leech one off of someone for a weekend or something…
I’ve been making drawings lately of common objects, like the paper above. Just simple little drawings that challenge my accuracy and subtle (and sometimes dramatic) value shifts. They’re fun to make anyway.

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