I am an artist & teacher with a ❤ for visual expression, educational methodology, homesteading, & Jesus. My geek-love is The Joshua and we have three peanut-butters: Caleb, Jack, & Louritta.

13 Abortions by Age 21

10/15/2003

I learned something disturbing the other day. One of my former students stopped in to see me and said that her sister just got her 13th abortion last week. And she’s only 21 years old.
Avoiding the whole “she’s killing babies” thing, I asked why she didn’t use some form of birth control. She said that she used the rhythm method, but just had sex anyway when she knew she wasn’t supposed to. So, basically she isn’t using the rhythm method. After prying further, I figured out what her real birth control method is. She gets pregnant, so she doesn’t have to get her period. Then, once she starts to gain weight in her second trimester, she has an abortion. She said that it was cheaper this way because she qualifies for some kind of scholarship at an abortion clinic and only has to pay $20 a pop. That’s cheaper than other forms of birth control.
It was one of those moments where I was having very strong emotions and fighting very hard to keep my cool. I told this girl’s story to Josh tonight and he got pretty emotional about it. How could a person be this disrespecting of human life? How could someone use a pregnancy as “birth control” and a way to not get their period? How could an abortion cost less than birth control? How could someone loathe themselves this much to sleep around so foolishly? How can someone justify killing 13 unborn babies before age 21?
This raises some interesting questions about God and how he decides that one person can get pregnant and be given the power to kill their babies, and another person’s babies die even though they want nothing more than for them to have a healthy, prosperous life. I don’t have anything to justify this, but I believe that unborn babies go straight to heaven. I sometimes joke that God loved the Lewis kids so much that he wanted them in heaven right away. And in some strange way it seems that they are better off not having to know the pain of this earth. Maybe this girl’s babies got to go straight to heaven too, and were spared the pain of having this dysfunctional person as their mother.

Invigorating Lessons

10/13/2003

I am so impressed with the way my students are drawing right now. It is so invigorating to see them drawing okay at the beginning of the year, then show them a few short drawing lessons, and *bam!* they’re creating awesome stuff! I’ll post a link to some pics once the kiddos turn them in on Wednesday. I think I am really honing in on what lessons kids really need to learn to improve their drawing. There are so many lessons that I could go over…which would take forever. But, I’m really getting down to the ones that matter and am watching them confidently take off drawing. It’s so amazing. I love teaching.
I spoke with Josh’s folks yesterday and they thought I might still be having some grief issues from our miscarriage last year. I don’t think I realized then what an impact it would have on me. I tried to shake it off and move on. I thought I was doing great when a couple of weeks ago I successfully held my coworkers newborn for awhile. I felt totally fine. I remember thinking, “Hey, I just held a baby and I did totally AWESOME!!!”
Just yesterday a couple came to our Sunday School class and showed everybody their newborn and I just lost it. I sidetracked it to the nearest door and sat outside beating myself up for being so emotionally week. I don’t believe anyone noticed me.
I think the most frustrating thing is that I don’t know when it’s going to hit me and when it’s not. And I don’t want to have to explain to people that they shouldn’t hide their beautiful babies from me for fear of making me emotional. I have always loved children and always wanted to play with them…but now I have this kind of curse where peole are really timid around me (for obvious reasons).
I don’t want to feel this way anymore. I want to be able to laugh with new mothers about things that are happening and hold their babies and stuff. I don’t want the pregnant ladies at work to stop talking about their pregnancies when I sit near them. I don’t want to be so sensitive about these issues.
Anyway…that was my vent for now. I think I feel better coming out about these kinds of feelings. It feels like medicine to my soul.

Finances – Friend or Foe?

10/10/2003

I wish I had learned more things about dealing with personal finances when I was growing up. It’s not that I’ve handled them poorly…I think I’ve done pretty well. It’s just that I never learned about things like investing, how much to save, retirement, different kinds of accounts, buying a house, etc. I got a copy of my credit report several years ago just because it was free and I wanted to see what it said. It said that I still lived with my parents and had two open accounts that were actually closed. So, I guess this affects your credit rating. I had to write a letter and get them to fix it. I guess it never dawned on me all of the complexities that come with having money.
I also fear for my taxes this year. Josh and I got bumped into the high tax bracket this year and I don’t think it’s going to be pretty. I’m going to do a pretend tax form this weekend to see how much blood the state is taking from me this year. Oh, the bitter republican in me hates having to pay for California’s poor financial choices all these years….
I also got a couple of books on personal finance that are kind of interesting. To all of my friends, I highly suggest you get one and really learn the stuff. I work with some people now who didn’t start saving for retirement until they were in their fifties…and boy are they freaking out now. I have a retirement fund, that’s good for starters. But I keep hearing about all of these other options that I really feel that I need to be educated about now in order for them to really benefit me in the long run.
In the game Animal Crossing, you can plant money and it will grow into a tree. I just harvested 90,000 bells the other day. Oh, if it were only so simple….

Refreshing Times

10/08/2003

Yesterday Josh & I hosted a small group of Jr. High students in our home. It was so refreshing to have faces and laughter and joy and exuberance and youth in our home. What an absolute joy. I’m leading the small group with another cool girl from our church (Annie). Josh’s job was to keep Henson from growling at people (which he eventually did by keeping him upstairs in a corner with his dog bed, multiple toys, and a dog bone). Five was very interested in hanging around the girls.
About a year ago, Josh and I shared the gospel with Henson and Five. Five was immediately repentant. Henson on the other hand…well…he has a lot of inner evil and turmoil. We might have to get out a flannel board for him to spell it out a little more slowly. 🙂 Hee hee.
So, anyway, that’s probably why Henson was growling at people and Five wouldn’t leave the group alone. Annie is really great and fun too. The girls really like her.
What a nice night it was. I’m really excited for next week.

Frightening Times

10/08/2003

In CA’s recent election a proposition was put forth that stated the following:
“Proposition 54: Collecting Racial Data
“This proposition, placed on the ballot by a petition, would amend the California Constitution to prohibit state and local governments from classifying any person by race, ethnicity, color, or national origin in areas of public education, contracting or employment. Classifying in other state operations may be authorized by a two-thirds majority vote of the state Legislature. The state Department of Fair Employment & Housing, law enforcement, medical research subjects and patients would be exempt.”
The strange part about this is that most of the advertising that went into it pushed to drive fear into the hearts of Californians that this would hurt them medically. I saw many advertisements that said “Vote No on 54 – Information Saves Lives” and Such-and-so medical organization says “Vote No on 54.” I was handed a brochure that had a picture of a doctor on the front and said something along the lines of “Sorry…we didn’t have enough information to save your life…”
Let’s look at the wording of the proposition again. Notice the final sentence that says, “…medical research subjects and patients would be exempt.” The proposition did not even include medical reasons for collecting racial data…yet the whole campaign against it was claiming that we needed to know the info for medical reasons. Does this look like a stupid smear campaign to you? It sure does to me.
This is what the deal is…the Joe Schmo’s in the state office want to know your racial data so they can campaign to you and try to guess what kind of crap they can pull over you based on your racial demographics. And the suckers of California fell for the lying “medical” advertisements that don’t actually have any relation to the proposition anyway. Can people read? Can people think beyond signs in someone’s lawn or a brochure handed to them? One thing I try to teach my students is what I believe is a huge issue in our society — just because something is published or written in ink or on a sign somewhere does not mean that it is true or holds any smidgeon of truth in it. Research everything from reputable sources. Question the crap handed to you.

Recall Recollections

10/07/2003

Well, today I voted at California’s recall election. There was actually a line at the polls…which reminded me of my days in Minnesota. The last election I voted in in California..well…there were two other people at the polls besides myself & Josh. This one…there was actually a line. I’m glad that people care. I think more people believed that their vote actually mattered in this one.
Anyhoo, CNN has projected that the recall went through and that Schwarzenegger is our next governor. Makes me feel like I’m in Minnesota again, except that my Governor says “Kaleefornia” instead of wearing a feather boa. Which brings me to my next point. You have to buy this shirt, or at the very least enjoy it. Hee hee.
Well, Schwarzenegger is a better pick than Bustamante or Davis in my opinion. But, I really thought that Tom McClintock would have been the best choice. Josh kept looking at these stats and categorizing me in different groups. Neat to look at. But, several issues aside, I guess I’m pleased at the “projected” outcome of the election. I’ll just check again tomorrow to make sure that things came out as CNN projected.
Elections always make me a little tense. I feel like I need to know as much info as possible before I can make a decision. So I get all nervous and stuff. I guess it’s better that I’m this way than me not caring and voting for whoever the teacher’s union or some random flyer given to me at Best Buy tells me to vote for.

Schwarzenegger and Bible Study

10/06/2003

Well, tomorrow is the big election day in California. Will Gray Davis be ousted? Will Arnold rule supreme over Caleefornia? Does McClintock have a fighting chance? Man. Politics like this get me all worked up. I study and try to get all the facts and really try to make a decision I believe is ultimately the best choice. It’s frustrating to be around so many misinformed people that make rash or uninformed decisions regarding these matters.
It’s funny though what divisions exist between Democrats and Republicans. What stubborn people.
Oh, and if that doesn’t make tomorrow exciting enough, tomorrow is also the kickoff day for the 7th/8th grade girls small group. I met a neat girl named Annie who will be leading this Christian group with me. It’ll be cool to just hang out and be Stephanie around these girls. They’ll be coming to our house for the first month or so. This will be an interesting experiment to see how Henson handles it! Let’s all keep Henson in our prayers.
Other than that, life is pretty normal! Sorry! My hair looks normal again and I’m mostly on top of things at work! Yay!

I Have to Admit I’m Getting Better

10/02/2003

A little better.
I still have a few things left to grade and I’ll be golden in that area after it’s done. I feel more calm. I got to talk to my parents the other day and it’s pretty amazing how much you can miss people. I have been pretty good this whole last year at adapting to California and all of the sudden, now, I get hit with homesickness. Not sure why. I think I’m on the uphill slope though.
On a different note, I’ve started reading “The Message.” It’s really neat. It’s a contemporary translation of the Bible. Neat to see things from a different perspective and a smoother translation. I’m not planning on doing an exegesis from it or anything…but it’s just cool to read. So, that’s going well.
My birthday is on Saturday. Josh and I are going to Great America (amusement park) with the Jr. High group at church. That should be pretty awesome. A bunch of Christian bands are going to be there.
I’ve also started listening to Linkin Park. It’s a band one of my students introduced me to last year. I got their new album “Meteor” and I love it. It’s a little rough sounding at first, but it really grows on you. I like their sound.
I also got the new Dave Matthews album “Some Devil,” which is always super. It’s weird to have Dave with out the “band” part tagged on the end. Not sure why they’re not together for this album. Oh, and on their website, you can buy Dave Matthews Band flip-flops. Schweet.

A Teacher’s Favorite Answers (from students)

10/01/2003

These are from my student’s papers. I left the grammar/spelling the same to add to the hilarity. Good times.
Question: What is the difference between positive space and negative space?
Answer: “There both different.”
Question: Does Art have to be beautiful?
Answer: “No. Art can be as beautiful as butterflies in a field, or ugly like a hairy man leg.”
Question: What is tactile texture?
Answer: “It is the way something.”
Question: What is a shape? Define.
Answer: “A shape is a drawing that shows a difference.”
Question: Color is…
Answer: “visual quality of objects caused by the amount of life.”
Question: List some subjects you find interesting that move in everyday life.
Answer: “Fishs, They’s movement is quiet looking.”
When speaking about art….
“The Mona Lisa is a piece of art, even though she has no eye brows.”
“…a landscape wouldn’t count as art because it isn’t considered art…” (now there’s some logic for you)
“They help us tell what shows emotions. Like the difference between ne and dirt.” (I always like to know the difference between “ne” and other things…)
“You cannot just take a piece of white paper and label it ‘invisible castle.'” (Ahh…a young Jack Handey in the making.)

Dreams on Horseback

09/30/2003

I’ve been having repeated dreams lately. They’ve all been different places and different moments…but essentially the same. I’m on horseback, looking from the perspective of my body. I can see the saddle horn, hear the leather squeaking, swat at flys trying to bite my horses ears. I have either been on an overo paint, or on a big chestnut (both quarter horses??? not sure). And I’m just riding. One time I was hot and sweating. Another time it was fall, leaves were falling, and I was wearing an oversized sweater.
Regardless of the locale, the thing I remember the most is that I really felt at peace. I felt a calmness. Something I haven’t been feeling during the day-to-day.
I talked with a coworker today who said that people had been filing complaints with the district regarding how much work they have expected of us this past month. Guess I’m not the only teacher who’s stressed. I had to have a sub in my class today because I had to go to an equity workshop. Didn’t learn anything new. I mean, yeah, you can always pick up morsels of stuff here and there, but nothing that’s going to really impact the way I teach. Anyway, I just wish that I could do what I’m paid to do — teach — and stop going to these trainings and meetings and classes and junk. I guess the bigwigs in the government who sign the bills that require us to take all of these classes think it will help education somehow if we all fill out too much paperwork and take too many classes. A little is helpful. But there comes a point when you just stress out and tire your teachers and they are too stressed and tired to teach effectively.
Anyway, I started feeling chest pains today and it worries me. I don’t think I’ve ever been this stressed in my life. Yes, even more stressed than when I had Art classes with Stew Luckman. (Some of you just jolted back from your computer screens in shock and may have injured yourselves…yes, I feel more stressed than classes with Stew). I mean, then, I just had the classes. I had a support system of friends and family to keep me sane. Now, I have students and parents and administration and extra classes and piles of ungraded papers and a husband who wants me to have energy left for him and lonliness (I miss MN) and no horse to take the stress away. No horse to take me away from the world and its worries and the expectations. To remind me of what wind feels like in my hair. To remind me of what fresh air feels like in my lungs. To show me a landscape and a sunset that brings me straight to heaven. To remind me of what it means to be Stephanie. Then take me back home so I can be Stephanie, a child of God who is not judged by her teaching effectiveness or her abilities as a wife. Stephanie, who is covered in a grace more profound than the human mind can imagine. And the good thing about the ride is that it returns me as a stronger and better Stephanie than I was before.
But, where is my horse? It has been in my dreams, but I want it to be in my life. I want it to be real.

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